I hated the SATs, and not just because my combined score barely eclipsed Sadaharu Oh’s lifetime home run total.

I didn’t care for the math portion, but I knew I was going to spit the bit on that part before I even lifted my No. 2 pencil and began filling in the ovals.

Know what part I really hated? The analogies. To give it a sports theme, the question might read “Alex Rodriguez is to the Yankees as: A) Mark Messier is to the Rangers; B) Curt Schilling is to the Red Sox; C) Bill Walton is to the Celtics; D) Michael Jordan is to the Washington Wizards.” The answer, of course, is D. Two great players who almost single-handedly brought down professional franchises.

Well if I were 18 again and had to take the SATs, the first thing I’d do is drink nothing but tomato juice the night before. Then, if the comparison we’ve been hearing lately between Peyton Manning and Tom Brady showed up on the test, my head would explode.

The answer would be easy, right? Peyton Manning is to Tom Brady as Dan Marino is to Joe Montana. At least that’s the comparison that’s sweeping the nation right now. As long as Manning continues to break meaningless records and lose in big games, it will become more and more accepted as fact, even though it is inherently flawed.

The real fact is that the comparison doesn’t do justice to any of the four quarterbacks involved.

Let’s start with the so-called losers in the comparison. Manning is this generation’s Dan Marino in the sense that he will be remembered as one of the greatest quarterbacks to never win a Super Bowl. But the death stare that Dan Marino gave Boomer Esiason during last Sunday’s post-game show on CBS was justified. If you were him, would you want to be remembered as being as much of an underachiever as Peyton Manning?

Marino should be offended. He didn’t have nearly as much talent surrounding him as Manning has.

At wide receiver, Manning has a future Hall of Famer in Marvin Harrison and two potential Pro Bowlers in Reggie Wayne and Brandon Stokley. Marino had “the Marks Brothers”, Mark Duper and Mark Clayton. Both were fine receivers. Both went to a few Pro Bowls. Neither will get a sniff of the Hall of Fame.

At tight end, Manning can throw to a big-play target in Dallas Clark and a just-big target in Marcus Pollard. Marino had the immortal Joe Rose and Bruce Hardy. Manning has more meat to cut in that matchup.

The disparity at running back is laughable. Manning has Edgerrin James, who may be the most sought-after free agent in the off-season and could eventually be bound for Canton if he stays healthy. Marino handed the ball to Tony Nathan, Sammie Smith and Lorenzo Hampton. You’re right. Who? The only area where Marino has the advantage, and it’s only a slight edge, is offensive line.

Now let’s talk about the winners. Brady has a solid and deep group of wide receivers to work with, an underrated group, I think, in Troy Brown, David Givens, Deion Branch and David Patten. But Montana had Dwight Clark, John Taylor and Jerry Rice, only the second greatest offensive player of all time behind Jim Brown.

Rice almost trumps the Pats receivers by himself. I mean, I love Troy Brown. When he retires, I’ll probably be the only person in the country to write about how he should be in the Hall of Fame. But he’s not getting in without a ticket.

Montana had an old Russ Francis and a young Brent Jones. Brady had Jermaine Wiggins and has Daniel Graham and Christian Fauria. I’d probably give the edge to the Niners, but it’s close enough to call it a toss-up.

The contest at running back was a joke until this year. Montana won his first title with the forgettable Wendell Tyler, but then he had the tireless Roger Craig for the next three. Craig is the most underrated running back ever and belongs in Canton. How many guys have run for 1,500 yards in a season and caught 100 passes in a season? He’s the only one. Antowain Smith pales in comparison. Corey Dillon’s another story, of course. He’s the best running back the Patriots have ever had. But Brady hasn’t won a championship with him, yet. So for now, Joe gets the nod.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying Brady is better than Montana because he had less talent with which to work. He still needs to win a couple of more titles to be on his hero’s level. My point is that making the comparison is unfair to Brady, to Montana, to Manning and especially to Marino. If it continues to be cemented into NFL lore, it will distort the careers of all four great QBs to future generations. They should be judged on their own merits, and not in each other’s considerable shadows. So please refrain from making this comparison to your sons and daughters.

And please, I’m begging you, teach your children not to judge people on their SAT scores. Thank you.

Randy Whitehouse is a staff writer. his e-mail is [email protected].