Nothing against the Lewiston Maineiacs, who welcome the Rimouski Oceanic and puck prodigy Sidney Crosby to the Colisee tonight. No offense to anybody for whom the mall, movie theater or sports bar equals livelihood, either. But I hope those places are quieter than an introvert support group if it means 10,000 people show up at the Edward Little-Lewiston hockey game in Auburn this evening.

Better start the emergency snow removal, pronto, because I’m inciting the most hellacious traffic jam since the Grateful Dead played Lewiston Raceway. Please, create a logistical nightmare that EL athletic director Dan Deshaies and his Lewiston counterpart, Paul Amnott, couldn’t solve if their Maine Principals’ Association membership cards depended on it.

Bring so much body heat to the meat locker known as Ingersoll Arena that the temperature soars to 25 degrees. And I don’t care if you hate hockey, don’t have children or live in Albany Township and lack affiliation with either school. You care about people. You recognize that the world doesn’t end where your paved driveway meets the frost heaves of the state highway. That’s reason enough.

Ticket prices are going up for one night only. A $1 surcharge on adult and student admission will go to the American Red Cross for tsunami relief.

That’s $4 in all, grown-ups. Dig beneath your couch cushions. No excuses.

EL students Elizabeth Mitchell and Brittany Roberge crafted the idea. It’s the exclamation point to a fund-raising effort that already has generated $4,000 for victims of the Indian Ocean disaster. Some Lewiston students have pitched in, as well.

“This wraps it up. We hope it’s at least $500 more,” Mitchell said.

Nah, I prefer to think huge, as in so much need for back-up security and parking patrol that Auburn’s main arteries turn into the Autobahn for two hours.

Mitchell thinks smaller, possibly because nothing turns you into a realist more quickly than trying to solicit charity.

She learned Rule No. 1 before the number of reported tsunami casualties hit six digits. Out of sight is out of mind.

“We had a fund-raising and awareness week,” she said. “Before we had our big assembly, I heard a lot of people saying, Why should we do this for them? Those countries would never help us.’ I was pretty shocked by that. My answer was, We need to help them because it’s the right thing to do.'”

As the person responsible for a slide show of the devastation, Mitchell allowed the images to speak for themselves.

“You could have heard a pin drop. It really depicted what a tragedy it was,” she said.

The students asked teacher Val Brown to follow the presentation. Mitchell said there was no mistaking Brown’s background as an athlete and coach during that inspirational talk.

Brown’s pitch was simple: If more than half the students donated a quarter on the spot, it would produce $50. As faculty advisor to the Homecoming Committee, Brown pledged that the committee would match whatever the students donated in five minutes.

“She ended up promising to match $300,” Mitchell said. “That was amazing.”

Mitchell and her like-minded friends (about 20 in all) have exhausted every penny-producing idea on their list. Bake sales jammed the hallways each day for a week. Students were allowed to wear hats to class one full day for a $1 donation.

The final push, and easily the event with the greatest potential, is the hockey game.

“We’ve had a few items donated that we might be able to sell, but basically we’re focusing on getting people excited about the game, trying to talk it up,” said Mitchell. “It’s something fun for everybody, and in the wake of this horrible thing it’s a chance for our schools to do something good to help out.”

So be there. Make the ice melt. Give the authorities heartburn.

Your fellow man, out of sight but never far from Elizabeth Mitchell’s mind, thanks you.

Kalle Oakes is a staff writer. His e-mail is [email protected].