DEAR ABBY: My daughter, “Brooke,” is 12, and already she’s causing me to worry. She has a serious boyfriend, “Lyle.” It’s not a secret. I have been pestering her to bring Lyle to meet me, but she never gets around to it.

Brooke has never been a good student; however, lately she has been getting all A’s in homework, but C’s and D’s in tests and in her school assignments. I suspect that her boyfriend is doing her homework for her. I know that Lyle is in high school because I have heard her talking on the phone to her friends. My problem is, I feel weird accusing him of anything when I haven’t met him. Am I wrong? What should I do? – STUMPED IN BETHESDA

DEAR STUMPED: Start being a mother to your daughter. At 12, Brooke’s too young for a serious boyfriend, much less one who’s in high school. If you continue to allow her to spend unsupervised time with boys you haven’t met and approved, you are shirking your responsibility as a parent. Assert yourself NOW, unless you want to risk being a grandmother before your child reaches high school.

DEAR ABBY: Last weekend I asked to borrow a glass pitcher from my sister for a party I was having. Her husband arrived a few minutes before the party with the pitcher in hand. As he handed it to me, I noticed a large crack on the side. I pointed it out to him and gave it back.

My sister called me later, asking, “What about my pitcher?” I explained that it had arrived damaged and that I was not responsible. She says I must replace or compensate her for it in some way, because the pitcher would not have left her house that day if I hadn’t asked to borrow it!

Abby, I’m not sure how the pitcher was handled during the four-minute car ride to my home. I do know it was placed unprotected on the front seat. The temperature was very cold that day, possibly in the single digits. My sister says the extreme variation in temperature between her house and the car and then into my house caused the crack.

I consulted two well-known retailers. The customer service representatives from both companies said they had never heard of such a complaint from any of their customers. One went on to say that their company ships items through the mail daily, where products are exposed to outside temperatures, and still had no complaints from customers about receiving broken items. Who is responsible for the pitcher? – LIZ IN E. GREENWICH, R.I.

DEAR LIZ: The responsible party is the person who failed to ensure that the pitcher was properly packed for transportation to your house.

DEAR ABBY: I’m 49 and the mother of two sons. My hair has been turning silver since I was a teenager, and I am completely silver now.

I gave birth to my sons when I was in my late 30s and early 40s, and, unlike most women, I have no problem with my silver mane. However, I am shocked at the treatment I receive when I go to medical offices. Invariably when I bring the children in, the receptionist will ask, “Are you the mother or the grandmother?” Abby, I’m only silver – not dead!

I participate in more activities with my sons than most women half my age. What would be a snappy response to these rude people? – HI-HO SILVER IN ARKANSAS

DEAR SILVER: Forgo the snappy reply and say, “Why do you ask?” You may be surprised to learn that the receptionist is far more interested in whether you are the person authorized to make medical decisions for the boys, or the one who is responsible for paying the medical bill, than whether you are the parent or the grandparent.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.