Cell phones have been around long enough that most of us have no trouble identifying when someone is using one inappropriately.
But do the same rules apply to wireless e-mail? Two-way pagers like the BlackBerry swept through the business world, first as an “aren’t I important?” status symbol, and now almost as a necessity for accessing e-mail remotely.
New users often set their BlackBerries to vibrate whenever they receive a message. That small vibration is often too tempting to ignore. Critics call the devices “Crackberries” for good reason – users become addicted to being connected.
But that constant connectedness can sometimes lead to a state of distraction and rude behavior.
“If your use of that item will diminish your interaction with the people you are with, you are making a big mistake,” says Peter Post, who directs the Emily Post Institute. He is the great-grandson of etiquette legend Emily Post.
“If I’m by myself at a restaurant, I wouldn’t see it as a big problem,” he says. “But if that BlackBerry vibrates and I take it out in front of a date or a client instead of focusing on the person I’m with, it is rude.
“In meetings now, the technology is so known that when you have it out, people know you can be doing other things,” he says. “You don’t want your boss to be thinking, “Why is he doing his e-mail now?”‘
Still, wireless e-mail users are quick to point out that they try to be good neighbors. Fort Worth, Texas, attorney John Penn has been using two-way messaging for years. He switched to a BlackBerry last August.
“I use mine for everything from staying in touch with e-mail and keeping my calendar updated to watching the weather,” Penn says.
During preparations for a family trip to Disney World, Penn says, “I will have it with me, but it’s the way I use it that makes it less intrusive. … I have a “be where you are’ rule, because wherever you are, you need to “be’ where you are.”
His firm, Haynes and Boone, made the devices available to all its attorneys last year. The firm hasn’t put any limitations on the use of the devices, but Penn has some rules of his own.
He never sets his device to vibrate to announce that messages have arrived, he says. “As far as notification goes, Pavlov used a bell and BlackBerry uses vibration. I’ve seen too many people use theirs that way and get into trouble.
“A number of times in hearings or depositions, they have been conditioned to answering the vibrations (so) that they miss things going on in front of them,” he says.
KEEPING IN TOUCH
Kathy Ray understands this issue all too well. She sees it from both sides. As director of sales and global markets for Cingular, her company sells BlackBerry devices and her staff uses them to keep in touch.
“Personally, I find the BlackBerry really frees me up,” she says. “To be able to leave the office and keep one eye on the BlackBerry means I can receive and answer that important e-mail without missing things with my kids. But if you use it wrong, it can be annoying.”
To head off any problems at staff meetings, “I make them turn the BlackBerries off,” she says. “When we take breaks, everyone goes out and checks their e-mails. But during the meetings, they are off.”
Cingular global accounts manager Jim Rakoski knows the rules at work.
“In meetings, it’s “put your BlackBerry down, put your laptops down,”‘ he says.
Rakoski and his wife, Stephanie, have pretty much figured out how the BlackBerry fits into their home life.
“I did take it with me to Canada last summer and I was answering e-mails and my wife wasn’t happy about that,” he says.
Stephanie Rakoski remembers the trip well. “It’s great the BlackBerry freed him up to take the trip,” she says. “You don’t have to drag a laptop around, which is a plus. But the negative is when you are on one of the most scenic drives in Canada – I was driving and he was typing on his BlackBerry. I told him put the BlackBerry away and enjoy the drive.”
Jim Rakoski doesn’t have his BlackBerry set to notify him of every incoming message. “Sometimes if I know there are important things coming, I check it every 10 or 15 minutes, but other times I can go hours without checking,” he says.
Stephanie Rakoski understands the occasional business use, but when she’s had enough, she communicates her views like many spouses – with The Look.
“A few times fairly late at night when Jim gets caught up in his e-mail … he starts going into work mode, and that’s a time to be in family mode. I’ve had to fire him The Look, and that’s pretty much the end of it.”
CATCHING UP
Shannon Heard relies on his BlackBerry phone to stay in touch at work.
As director of nutrition services for Baylor University Medical Center in Dallas, Heard spends about 80 percent of his day out of the office.
“I have an administrative support person to answer my office phone,” he says.
“They send my phone messages via e-mail instead of me running back to my desk to check messages.”
Heard receives about 120 messages per day on his BlackBerry.
“I have only about two hours per day at my desk, so I have to use the BlackBerry to stay caught up with my e-mail,” he says.
Heard and his wife have an understanding about after-hours use.
“The hospital runs 24 hours, but we made a deal that during family time, I put it up,” he says. “Because if I hear it vibrate, I’ll hop up and answer it no matter what time it is. Ultimately, it can cut down on your personal time if you let it.”
In meetings, Heard likes to keep things brief. “Normally, our meetings are 20 to 30 minutes,” he says.
“I like everyone to be engaged while the meeting is going on, so I’ve had my assistant stand with a box at the door for everyone to drop their pager in. That works really well.”
And that kind of etiquette would prevent this nightmarish scenario: “When two people in a meeting are using them to communicate, it’s almost like passing notes in grade school,” says Post, the etiquette expert.
“I’d love to see a boss catch someone and ask them to read it out loud,” he says.
“Technology isn’t rude,” he says. “People can be rude by the way they choose to use the technology.”
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