The federal government usually moves with the speed and dexterity of a Brontosaurus on Valium. But God help us when it panics and tries to run fast.

Thursday, two senators sent a letter to Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff asking why FEMA had signed a six-month, $236 million deal with Carnival Cruise Lines to house evacuees on ships when the Greek government offered to provide its vessels for free.

The Greek ships were empty at the time and in the area, prompting senators to wonder if Carnival had received a “sweetheart deal.”

Honestly, senators, could that really happen?

A FEMA spokesman said the contract with Carnival had just been inked when the Greek offer arrived.

But did anyone ask Carnival if, given the extraordinary circumstances, it would tear up the contract? Did it occur to FEMA to buy its way out of the Carnival contract for a fraction of the total cost?

More likely, a few hundred million just wasn’t worth the trouble when Congress was on the verge of approving $67 billion.

In other disheartening news for taxpayers, the Knight-Ridder Newspapers revealed Thursday that roofing contractors are charging an average of almost $2,500 per home to nail blue tarps over damaged roofs. Worse, the government issues supplies for free.

How long could it take for two guys to nail tarps over the average roof? An hour, perhaps.

So, in a 10-hour work day, two industrious roofers could do 10 roofs and earn $25,000. In a five-day week, that would be $125,000, or $62,500 per roofer.

Not bad.

But just imagine how much money a roofing contractor with political connections could earn by employing 100 out-of-work people at $20 per hour.

We’ve done the math, and it comes to about $6 million per week – with $100,000 to spare for living expenses and meals for the guys.

Of course, mayors, governors and other local officials in the disaster area did have reason to laugh out loud Thursday.

Education Secretary Margaret Spellings announced that schools affected by Hurricane Katrina and Rita may be able to obtain a one-year-delay on federal penalties if they can demonstrate that the storms prevented them from meeting their No Child Left Behind Act obligations.

Schools? What schools?

Kids? What kids?

Records? What records?

Maybe some local school superintendent can calmly explain this to her: “Yes, Mrs. Spellings, children were left behind. ON ROOFTOPS! IN THE SUN! WITH NO WATER! FOR DAYS!”

Geez.