Let’s look at several ways to hone our communications skills. This should help us understand others better and have them understand us. It should also help avoid the pitfalls and problems of miscommunication. Try these:
• Think before you say, write or do. Remember to say what you mean and mean what you say.
• Don’t assume anything or take anything for granted. Ask questions to clarify. Use precise language. If you think there might be misunderstanding, there probably will be.
• Ask follow-up questions. This helps to insure you know exactly what others’ expectations and intentions are.
• Listen actively. Think how easy it is to miss an idea or get off the right path if you only listen half-heartedly.
• Look for clues. People often speak indirectly, for many reasons. Pay close attention to tone of voice, body language, eye movements. These can help you decide if what others say and do align with each other.
• Think and analyze in layers. First look at a communication experience topically. What is the overt intention behind the words or actions? Then ask yourself, “Is there anything else? Is there more going on here than on the surface?”
• Ask for help if you have doubts or confusion. If you simply don’t understand something, admit it and find a way to get clarification.
• Be a lifelong learner. Realize none of us are too old to learn new information or work to improve ourselves, including our communication skills.
• Expect positive results. Be an optimist. Look for the good in situations. Also, be a realist and analyze situations, not as a skeptic, but as an intelligent person.
• There are three major ways that people relate to the world: auditory, visual and kinesthetic – hearing, sight and touch. Look for clues for each person’s dominate communication style, then try to tailor your approach to it.
• Repeat yourself when necessary. Spaced interval learning is an effective concept. Repeat your major points as often as required to ensure effective communications have taken place.
• Ask others to repeat themselves when necessary. Clarity and accuracy are major goals of effective communications. When in doubt, ask, repeatedly if necessary. Taking notes is a good way to get it right.
Tim O’Brien writes continuing-education courses and presents seminars on stress management.
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