I’ve moved my sewing machine to the kitchen table so I can sew while doing other things, like cooking. Or watching TV. I haven’t watched daytime TV since my children were babies and I was hooked on the soaps. And I am not going to start up again, but I have been watching “Oprah.”

For the most part, I like Oprah. She’s a self-made billionaire and doesn’t mind sharing her money with others. I like that. She takes on difficult issues and brings them to the attention of her audiences. I like that. She perpetuates the “take 10 years off your looks” society. I don’t like that. I hate that so many woman spend so much time trying to look younger.

The other day I watched a program that was enough to make me swear off Oprah forever. It was all about how to find the right size bra and the right pair of jeans. By the end of the show the message was clear – boobs and butts are what make a woman. Not only must women have them, they must be the right size, at the right height, the right shape and visible. Without adhering to this guiding principle of femininity, the show implied that women are somehow less than what they should be. The women on the show were on a quest with as much passion as the Templar knights. I couldn’t believe my eyes. While people throughout the world are barely surviving, American women are focusing on something so trivial and superficial that I was shocked.

Don’t sag, spend

For any woman who believes that the measure of a person is more than her looks, the show was downright offensive. I have to admit that I have seen several similar shows on “Oprah.” Her big deal is to “take years off your appearance,” so sagging anything has to go.

On the one hand she, at 50, is aware of the plight of aging women and tries to encourage the idea of aging well. But her idea is mostly cosmetic and has little to do with maturing and coming into one’s own emotionally and psychologically after years of putting family first. She does talk about that of course, but the psychological benefits of women coming into their own are completely overshadowed by the need to look younger than we are.

If a woman doesn’t have the money for $250 bras and expensive makeovers, including plastic surgery, what is she to do?

Look old, obviously. And for Oprah and her cohorts, that is bad.

This insistence that women look whatever part society wants them to play is not new, of course, but it has been drilled into us for so long now, that the pressure is astronomical. And it’s more blatant, in your face, with people like Oprah, a virtual goddess to many, mostly young women, pressuring other women to adhere to a world view that says only the “pretty” count.

Obviously, this pushes my buttons. I have not been immune to “the Look” from others. I have always wanted to look pretty according to the standards of the people around me. I like nice clothes. I like putting on makeup and fixing my hair. But to think of these things as the measure of who I am is abhorrent to me.

Ashamed of their age?

Still, it has been very difficult to be content with my perfectly beautiful gray hair without judging myself as the others around me do. Why is gray hair even an issue? Why, indeed. It makes one look one’s age and, for most Americans, that is not good. Can you imagine Barbara Walters or Cher with gray hair? Wouldn’t they be wonderful role models, however, if they weren’t ashamed of being their age?

In America, age is not revered as in other cultures. Just the opposite, in fact. The elderly are often seen as a problems to be dealt with, and who in their right mind would want to look their age when others see you as a problem? Many women buy into the idea of beauty as their measure and never see the beauty they have inside. I doubt that in my lifetime people will judge others for the person they are inside or respect an elder for the wisdom he or she has gained. Native Americans so revere their elders that no one raises their voice to them, and if anyone does, they are immediately chastised by the entire tribe. Imagine that. Imagine a life where boobs and butts and advancing age aren’t the measure of a woman.

I have a feeling, however, that my words will fall on deaf ears. I read where Nordstrom’s sales of bras and jeans increased 189 percent after Oprah aired that day. Someone got the message. I got the message, too. But even if I could afford a $150 pair of jeans, I don’t think they would make me look like an 18-year-old. And you know what? I don’t think I would want to.

Jeanette Baldridge is a writer and teacher who lives in West Paris. She may be reached by e-mail at [email protected].