All of us with normal hearing can listen and hear from a strictly physiological stand point. However, just being able to hear and understand the meaning of the words spoken does not insure that we understand the intent.
“It flew right over his head.” Have you ever heard that or a similar cliche? In the context of understanding something, it means the person did not understand at all. Sometimes this happens because we are not direct and try to “beat around the bush.” Get close to what we mean but not quite. Often, his happens when we want to be sensitive to another’s feelings. Or, we want to avoid being blunt or rude sounding.
Here are five ways to help make sure that what you listen to and hear, is what the speaker meant.
• Ask for clarification if you have any doubts. This is so obvious you might wonder why I mention it. I mention it because so few people actually ask questions when they want to. They don’t want to appear ignorant. Or, they don’t want to draw attention to themselves. Don’t ask needless questions. However, ask the questions that will help you fully understand.
• Pay very close attention to the person speaking. Don’t try to multi task or allow your mind to drift or wander. Look directly at the person speaking. Look and be attentive and interested.
• Take notes if the conversation is important. None of us can remember everything later. We are lucky if we accurately remember 20 percent the next day.
• Paraphrase and repeat back the critical points, asking if you understand what they just said. “Okay, we’ve agreed that we will both take the first two weeks of next August off for a family vacation to Orlando to visit several of the theme parks, right?”
• Want to understand and perceive the speaker’s intent. What we want is important to us. What is important to us, we pay attention to.
It takes time to develop the ability to perceive another person’s intentions. We all develop that knack in certain areas. By following the five suggestions above, we can increase our ability to not only listen and hear the words. We will also be able to perceive the true intent and meaning of what is said.
Tim O’Brien writes continuing-education courses and presents seminars on stress management.
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