n Believe people should be able to own guns but not bazookas.

n Pray for the folks who waste their time worrying about prayer in school.

n Believe the next time you meet a trustworthy politician, it will be the first time.

n Are troubled by abortion and by attempts to totally ban it.

n Believe the government should keep its hands off the Internet, unless it’s cracking down on kiddie porn, terrorists or pop-up ads.

n Believe some welfare payments should be in the form of kicks in the pants.

n Are too busy working on your marriage to worry about gay marriage.

n Don’t care much about reforming Social Security because you won’t see the money anyway.

n Believe global warming is real and the result of emissions from Rush Limbaugh, Michael Moore and other crackpots.

n Don’t like the idea of torture, which is why you don’t watch C-SPAN’s programming.

n Wear your religion in your heart, not on your sleeve.

n Hate everything about Sunday-morning news programs except the Cialis ads.

n Believe in strong values and that you should keep them to yourself.

n Would rather take a knee to the groin than give money to a political campaign.

n Believe in the liberal treatment of animals – liberal amounts of barbecue sauce on meat.

n Wouldn’t think of burning the flag, unless a politician was wrapped inside.

n Believe that evolution created us, and that God created evolution.

n Wonder what the heck ever happened to common sense, straight talk and compromise.