If you’ve inherited a family camp, experts suggest:

• Communicate with other co-owners regularly.

• Collaborate on all rules, from “No smoking” to “No selling a share outside the family.”

• Create a camp fund to pay for expenses. Get contributions from everyone, though the amount doesn’t have to be equal. Some families base it on income, time spent at the camp or something else.

• Draw up a fair vacation schedule. Lottery systems and rotations work well.

• Get everything in writing. Lawyers can help.

• Create an “escape clause” so one family member can to sell his or her share to another family member, perhaps below market value.
A family nightmare
It should be a dream come true: a camp on a Maine lake. Unless you co-own it with ‘the relatives.’

“Beth’s” majestic family camp is an oasis in a world gone crazy. Set in rustic northern Maine, the 100-year-old cabin boasts comfortable bedrooms, acres of land and a serene lake just outside the door.

“You sit down on the porch and your whole body goes ‘Ahhh!'” she said.

But Beth’s dream retreat turns into a nightmare when she has to discuss chores with the camp’s co-owner: her sister.

Over the years, they – or their husbands – have fought over everything from painting duties to workmen. Even when the two sides agree on what needs to be done, they fight over who should do it.

The arguments have gotten so bad that they’ve each offered to buy the other out. But neither is willing to give up the little peace of heaven passed down through four generations.

“It’s not worth tearing a family apart,” said Beth, who asked to remain anonymous so she wouldn’t aggravate tensions. “But you have this camp and you love it. What do you do?”

It’s a question a lot of families are asking.

‘Something really important to fight about’

Maine has about 100,000 seasonal homes, the highest percentage of any state in the country, according to the 2000 Census. It is unclear how many of those are family camps.

But experts say there are a lot, and a lot of family arguments to go with them.

Parents hope for harmony when they leave a camp to their children, but “The opposite happens. You just give them something really important to fight about,” said Portland lawyer Jonathan Harris, who advises families on sharing second homes.

The biggest arguments: money, vacation schedules, repairs, improvements and rules.

“I’ve seen situations where at the end of it, every member of the family has their own lawyer,” Harris said.

At the very worst point, when family members can’t get along no matter what, a judge can order a camp to be sold.

Beth’s situation hasn’t gotten that bad, yet.

Her camp was built by her great-grandparents in the early 1900s. Over four generations it turned into a family vacation spot, where young cousins played together and older relatives socialized. But as the number of heirs grew, so did the arguments.

“My father commented to my uncle that he didn’t know if he was doing us a favor leaving it to all the children,” she said.

Money was the biggest issue among the collection of aunts, uncles, siblings and cousins. Someone always seemed to disagree with how much they were spending and on what. Family members began selling their shares to the remaining co-owners.

Soon, Beth and her sister were the only owners left.

“We both really love the place,” she said.

Money didn’t make them fight.

Upkeep did.

Did the windows really need to be fixed? Who did the most work? Who was responsible for this or that?

“The problems haven’t gotten any easier,” Beth said.

When the women speak to each other now, they avoid any mention of the camp.

Peter Watson can commiserate.

Watson, a Harpswell resident, shares a 50-year-old southern Maine cottage with his brother. They found a fair way to split the bills and schedule vacation time after their parents left them the charming lakeside camp.

But while Watson is happy with the old cabin, he said his brother wants to remodel, build an addition, add storage space.

“We’re really there for the lake, not for the building,” he said. “They want to make House Beautiful out of it.”

The latest argument: One brother built a small bunkhouse on the jointly owned property and won’t share it.

The men remain friendly enough to go golfing once in a while, Watson said. Their wives, however, have stopped speaking to each other.

Communicate, collaborate, plan

Experts say family camps don’t have to tear families apart, especially if people plan ahead.

First, parents need to decide whether they should pass on a camp at all.

“It’s not a great idea if you don’t have a cohesive family. If you have kids who are fighting all the time, you can be sure they’ll fight over the camp,” said Kathleen Kienitz, a Lewiston lawyer who handles elder law.

She and others say parents can instead leave a camp to one child and leave something equally precious – such as the family house – to the other child. Or they can sell the camp and divide the money.

If parents are determined to leave the family camp to more than one child, experts say they should talk with their children about their decision, set up a camp trust and leave an endowment with enough money to help with the cost of upkeep and taxes.

“So at least you take that (money) issue off the table,” said Portland lawyer Harris, whose parents created a trust when they passed on their camp to him and his four sisters.

If parents don’t plan ahead, experts say siblings and other relatives can still peacefully share a camp. They advise family members to collaborate on basic ground rules, like “No smoking,” as well as more significant rules, like “No selling shares outside the family.”

Co-owners should create a camp fund – with contributions from everyone – to pay for taxes, upkeep and other expenses. Co-owners should also draw up a vacation schedule that’s fair to all family members, whether that means using a lottery system or rotating peak weeks.

Most importantly, experts say, families should get everything in writing, perhaps with a lawyer’s help.

“It boils down to being reasonable and fair,” said Kienitz, the Lewiston lawyer.

“Reasonable and fair” has been the rule for Dana Caron and her three siblings. They’ve happily shared a Livermore lakeside camp for years.

“We know what the rules are. We try to communicate. It’s a family thing,” she said. “It’s a four-way street.”

The siblings set up a camp bank account and chip in $62 a month for taxes and expenses, although they ask less from a brother who lives out of state and doesn’t use the camp very often. They reserve weekends but also maintain an “open door policy.” They bring their own food, clean up after themselves and open the camp together. They e-mail each other regularly to make sure they agree on everything.

In nearly 10 years, Caron said, they haven’t had a major problem.

“I think it’s brought us closer,” she said.

For families that aren’t as happy as Caron’s, experts suggest an “escape clause.” Allow family members to sell their share to other co-owners, perhaps at lower than market value.

In northern Maine, despite their differences, neither Beth nor her sister will sell out to the other.

Someone suggested a mediator. They couldn’t agree on that, either.

Beth isn’t sure how they’ll resolve their differences. She’s just sure that the camp, and the relationship with her sister, are worth the struggle.

They both have children and want to pass the camp on. It will be generation no. 5.

“I think it can work out. I really do,” she said. “I have hope.”