Here’s our dream Emmy-show opener: Conan O’Brien bounds onto the stage, flashes that sly grin of his and reveals that this year’s list of nominees is really just a great big hoax, designed to get our minds off the war in Iraq, skyrocketing gas prices and Katie Couric’s wardrobe.

Gotcha!

Can you sense the bitterness? Oh yes, we’re still grinding our molars over a group of nominees that doesn’t include such presumed front-runners as “Lost,” Edie Falco, Hugh Laurie, Marcia Cross and others, but did find a way to include a performance by Ellen Burstyn that had a screen time of – 14 seconds.

No wonder the Emmy selection process has been mocked and derided by TV-loving diehards everywhere.

Ah, but there comes a time when you just have to get over it and play the cards you’ve been dealt. That time is now. And thus, we’re ready to engage in the annual rite of Emmy prognostication, although we’re doing it under protest.

On with the show:

Drama series

“24” (Fox); “Grey’s Anatomy” (ABC); “House” (Fox); “The Sopranos” (HBO); “The West Wing” (NBC)

Snubbed: “Lost” (ABC); “Rescue Me” (FX); “Battlestar Galactica” (Sci-Fi)

Should win: “Lost.” Oh, that’s right, it’s not even nominated.

Will win: Normally, we’d automatically go with “The Sopranos” in this fight, but it developed a limp this season. On the other hand, “Grey’s Anatomy” was this year’s breakout hit. Still, the pick is the turbo-charged “24,” which was widely perceived to have produced its best season yet.

Comedy series

“Arrested Development” (Fox); “Curb Your Enthusiasm” (HBO); “The Office” (NBC); “Scrubs” (NBC); “Two and a Half Men” (CBS)



Snubbed: “Entourage” (HBO); “My Name Is Earl” (NBC)

Should win: We will always have a place in our hearts for the dearly departed “Arrested Development,” but this season belonged to the working stiffs of “The Office.”

Will win: “The Office,” because the Dunder Mifflin gang has emerged as the coolest sitcom ensemble in prime time. But don’t be surprised if the Academy goes all conservative and tabs “Two and a Half Men.”

Lead actor, drama

Peter Krause (“Six Feet Under,” HBO); Denis Leary (“Rescue Me,” FX); Christopher Meloni (“Law & Order: SVU,” NBC); Martin Sheen (“The West Wing”); Kiefer Sutherland (“24”)



Snubbed: Hugh Laurie (“House”); James Gandolfini (“The Sopranos”)

Should win: Leary, for his smokin’-hot performance as a terminally troubled fire fighter.

Will win: Sutherland, because he’d bided his time (four previous nominations, no wins) – and he deserves something for doing all that running around and-saving-the-country-from-peril stuff.

Lead actress, drama

Frances Conroy (“Six Feet Under”); Geena Davis (“Commander In Chief,” ABC); Mariska Hargitay (“Law & Order: SVU”); Allison Janney (“The West Wing”); Kyra Sedgwick (“The Closer,” TNT)



Snubbed: Edie Falco (“The Sopranos”)

Should win: Any list in this category without Falco on it is totally fraudulent. But while she’s on the sidelines, we’re showering our love on Sedgwick, who brought a sugarcoated twist to the TV cop.

Will win: Four-time winner Janney, because Emmy obviously has a gigantic crush on her.

Lead actor, comedy

Steve Carell (“The Office”); Larry David (“Curb Your Enthusiasm”); Kevin James (“The King of Queens,” CBS); Tony Shalhoub (“Monk,” USA); Charlie Sheen (“Two and a Half Men”)

Snubbed: Jason Lee (“My Name is Earl,” NBC); Jason Bateman (“Arrested Development”)

Should win: Carell, but, by all rights, he should be duking it out with the Jasons for this trophy.

Will win: Carell, because he deftly took a notable role and made it his own – and because we suspect Academy members have a thing for movie stars. Lead actress, comedy

Stockard Channing (“Out of Practice,” CBS); Jane Kaczmarek (“Malcolm in the Middle,” Fox); Lisa Kudrow (“The Comeback,” HBO); Julia Louis-Dreyfus (“The New Adventures of the Old Christine,” CBS); Debra Messing (“Will & Grace,” NBC)



Snubbed: Tichina Arnold (“Everybody Hates Chris,” UPN); Lauren Graham (“Gilmore Girls,” the WB); Mary-Louise Parker (“Weeds,” Showtime)

Should win: This is the last shot (with “Malcolm”) for Kaczmarek, whose flustered mom was perennially nominated, but shamefully passed over.

Will win: Kudrow, because Hollywood fell in love with her portrayal of a washed-up – and painfully delusional – sitcom star.

Emmy should also go to:

Supporting actor, drama: Gregory Itzin (“24”)

Supporting actress, drama: Sandra Oh (“Grey’s Anatomy”)

Supporting actor, comedy: Jeremy Piven (“Entourage”)

Supporting actress, comedy: Jaime Pressly (“My Name is Earl”)

Reality program: “American Idol” (Fox)

Variety, music or comedy series: “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” (NBC)

Miniseries: “Elizabeth I” (HBO)

Made-for-TV movie: “Mrs. Harris” (HBO)