It’s time for the First Annual Fearless Forecaster Pigskin Prognostication Extravaganza, brought to you by — the people with the stick up their butts about not being able to declare anything the “First Annual.” Also brought to you by – the people who insist the new millennium didn’t begin until 2001.

Okay, they’re the same people.

Regardless, here are my NFL picks.

In my humble opinion, it’s worth five minutes of your time if only because, unlike everyone else, I’m not picking Carolina and Indianapolis in the Super Bowl:

AFC East

1. New England Patriots – Forget Deion Branch. Where’s the run defense?

2. Miami Dolphins – The Toronto Blue Jays of the NFL.

3. Buffalo Bills – They miss Drew Bledsoe. That says it all.

4. New York Jets – Ever notice Eric Mangini looks a little like Steve Irwin. I didn’t until this week.

AFC North

1. Cincinnati Bengals – True story. I once did the “Ickey Shuffle” during a job interview. I didn’t get the job.

2. Pittsburgh Steelers – They’re starting to get that same snakebit look the Patriots had last year.

3. Baltimore Ravens – Watching Steve McNair calcify really doesn’t get me excited.

4. Cleveland Browns – Hope you enjoy your money, Willie.

AFC South

1. Indianapolis Colts – They won’t miss Edgerrin James. But that’s because they didn’t use him right.

2. Jacksonville Jaguars – Absolutely, positively, the least interesting playoff team in American sports last year (that doesn’t include hockey).

3. Houston Texans – Reggie Bush is payback for Jeff Bagwell.

4. Tennessee Titans – Vince Young will be better than Michael Vick. Then again, Burt Young would be better than Michael Vick.

AFC West

1. San Diego Chargers – They were this close last year. I think Phillip Rivers improves dramatically as the season unfolds and puts them over the top.

2. Kansas City Chiefs – Only because I really, really need Larry Johnson to have a big year for my fantasy team.

3. Denver Broncos – Jake Plummer had a career year in 2005, with semi-impressive stats (61% completions, 3,300 yards, 18 TDs and 7 INTs) and led the Broncos to the AFC Championship Game. Three months later, coach Mike Shanahan drafts Jay Cutler with the 11th overall pick in the draft. I think Shanahan is thinking what we all are – he got lucky in 2005.

4. Oakland Raiders – The sad thing is, it doesn’t matter if they have to bring Jeff George back later in the season or not. They’ll be terrible either way.

NFC East

1. Dallas Cowboys – This T.O. thing goes one of two ways – either he makes Drew Bledsoe a lock for the Hall of Fame or he sabotages America’s Team within the first six weeks. I’ll go with the former.

2. New York Giants – I hate them with a passion reserved for only the Yankees and the Lakers, but they’re a dangerous team this year.

3. Philadelphia Eagles – Donovan McNabb and a banged up defense bounce back.

4. Washington Redskins – Every player the Redskins sign or trade for ends up being one of the most overrated in the league. That makes Antwaan Randle El the perfect addition to this year’s team.

NFC North

1. Minnesota Vikings – Now second only to the Bengals in the “Worst Uniform” sweepstakes.

2. Chicago Bears – Everybody’s picking them to win the division. No offense, but they have no offense.

3. Detroit Lions – When Jon Kitna represents a significant upgrade at QB, you have a long, long way to go to become a contender.

4. Green Bay Packers – I said it last year and the year before that and I’ll say it again – For God’s sakes, Brett, either get out or shut up!

NFC South

1. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Breakout years for Chris Simms and Cadillac Williams make up for an aging defense.

2. Carolina Panthers – The fashionable pick this year. The fashionable pick never wins (see Indianapolis Colts – 2003-2005).

3. Atlanta Falcons – Would be a potential sleeper if they had a QB.

4. New Orleans Saints – I just want to check: Are we still in the “America roots for the Saints” stage, or have we moved on?

NFC West

1. Seattle Seahawks – Which curse will it be, fellas? The Madden Curse, or the one about last year’s Super Bowl rep from the NFC? Good thing you’re in a lousy division.

2. St. Louis Rams – Losing Mike Martz is worth three wins in itself.

3. Arizona Cardinals – Their new domed stadium features a grass field that can be rolled outside so that it gets sufficient sunlight. Cheech and Chong must be drooling.

4. San Francisco 49ers – Did they not get the memo on BALCO?

Wild Card Teams

AFC – Pittsburgh, Kansas City

NFC – Giants, Eagles

AFC Championship

San Diego over Cincinnati

NFC Championship

Tampa Bay over New York

Super Bowl XLI

Tampa Bay