It’s Christmas Eve and you’re shopping (frantically) for last-minute gifts. You’ve circled the parking lot several times to no avail. Suddenly, you spot the perfect space. But you and another driver arrive there at the same time.

Who gets it?

“I do. I’ve been going around forever. They aren’t taking my spot.” – Amanda Manton, 16, Auburn

“They do because I don’t like confrontation.” – Nicole Comer, Lewiston

“Me. Or I would certainly try.” – Alison Hansen, Farmington

“It depends. If I have the baby I think I’m entitled to it.” – Kim Foskett, Lewiston

“I try to follow what would be the normal rule of the road. Whoever had right-of-way.” – Larry Boivin, Maine’s chief driver’s license examiner

“Whoever the gracious person is lets the other person have the space. It’s kind of a good deed.” – Ellyne Fleshner, marketing manager for the Maine Mall

“The person who has the signal on first. But no finger puppetry.” – etiquette expert Dorothea Johnson, Yarmouth

“If it’s on the right side and you’re on the right side, you should get it. That doesn’t mean that will happen, though.” – Ann Noyes, head of the Protocol School of Maine, Yarmouth

Experts say:

• Treat the parking lot like a roadway. Right-of-way rules.

• Pay extra attention when backing up. Look over your shoulder – don’t rely on mirrors alone.

• Be gracious. Don’t get into a confrontation over parking.

• First one there should get the space, particularly if the car’s blinker is on.

• Park between the lines.

• Park only in a space big enough for your vehicle. (The shoppers parked next to you must be able to get in and out of their vehicles.)

• Instead of circling for 20 minutes and growing increasingly aggravated, park farther away and walk. It’s better for you in more ways than one.

Common holiday parking pet peeves:

• People who take up handicapped spaces when they don’t need to.

• Drivers who steal parking spaces.

• Cars squeezed into spaces that are too small.

• Drivers who park crooked, taking up additional spaces.

• Shopping carts left in the middle of parking spaces.

• Rude gestures or obscene remarks.

Merry Christmas (and get out of my way)

Dorothea Johnson still remembers the day her granddaughter, Liv, learned about a certain obscene hand gesture.

It was Christmastime and they were trying to find a parking space.

They had been lucky enough to locate a soon-to-be-vacant spot at a busy Washington D.C. mall, but not lucky enough to get it. While Johnson waited – with her blinker on – a little sports car sailed up the row and slid in before her.

Johnson told the other driver she’d been waiting for the space.

The woman wasn’t inclined to give it back.

“Liv said ‘Look, Grammy, she’s waving at you with one finger,'” Johnson said.

She told her granddaughter, actress Liv Tyler, then about 6, that the woman had resorted to “finger puppetry.” Johnson – a professional etiquette expert, a grandmother and a shopper with places to go – ignored the gesture and drove on.

“If I had said anything it would have put me on the low road,” Johnson said.

But two decades later, Johnson, who lives in southern Maine, still recalls the trip with vivid clarity. Her holiday parking pet peeve: drivers who steal spots.

She’s not alone

“No courtesy, that’s what I pick up on,” said Larry Boivin, chief driver’s license examiner for the state.

And then there are the stressed-out, aggressive drivers who careen through lots. And the people who use handicapped spots but don’t need them. And the selfish parkers who take up compact car spots with their SUVs or park crooked, ruining the perfectly good spaces beside them.

During the Season of Giving’s crowded, cut-throat shopping days, all parking etiquette goes out the window.

“Now there seems to be a feeling: Nobody knows me, I can do anything,” Johnson said.

One of society’s 12 rudest behaviors

To get a license, Maine drivers need only know the parking basics: when to use their mirrors, how to parallel park, when to set the emergency break.

No one tests for honesty (don’t steal a spot), or civility (don’t honk madly at the new mom who takes a while to leave her parking space because she’s buckling in her baby).

For some, the parking lot has become a holiday battleground. They need to compare, buy, meet, mail, bank and get their child’s photo taken with Santa. And before they can do any of that, they need to park.

“I do all my stuff online. I hate it. I avoid it like the plague,” said Karen Ward, owner of Karen’s Driving Schools.

It’s gotten so bad that the Emily Post Institute now lists “butting in front of someone” (in line or while parking) as one of society’s 12 rudest behaviors.

Granted, many people say, Mainers don’t have to deal with the kind of problems shoppers in bigger states and big cities do. Still, during the holidays, it can get bad.

Kim and Steven Foskett moved from Boston to Lewiston a couple of years ago. Holiday shopping in Massachusetts meant circling a parking lot for an hour, aggressively. Drivers routinely hulked after shoppers walking to their car. They sped through lots and stole spaces out from under each other.

“You were out for blood to find that spot,” Kim said.

At the Auburn Mall one recent Tuesday evening, they captured a prize space – second from the front – without even trying. But at the Maine Mall in South Portland, they said, parking can be more difficult.

The largest mall in the state, the Maine Mall gets 17 million visitors a year. It has just under 6,000 parking spaces.

The best spots – generally those near the entrance – go fast and inspire competition. Last year, the Maine Mall even held a raffle around the concept. The prize: a reserved, close-to-the-front, end-of-the-row parking spot.

“The winner was really, really happy,” said Ellyne Fleshner, marketing manager for the mall.

‘We do not resort to finger puppetry’

Auburn Mall Manager David Lee believes people are more sensible in Lewiston-Auburn, more willing to walk and less apt to fight over parking. But some shoppers say local stores can be just as frustrating as the Maine Mall during peak times.

“I’m in the holiday spirit. I think they take the feeling right out of it,” said Nicole Comer of Lewiston, who can’t forget the time a driver gave her husband the finger during a parking lot skirmish.

Other shoppers interviewed said their car doors have gotten scratched because a driver tried to squeeze into a too-tiny spot beside them. Or, they’ve had to circle over and over because someone stole the spot they’d been waiting for. Or, they’ve had to park illegally because the close-to-the-front handicapped spaces were taken by shoppers without a handicapped logo.

“I actually yell at cars sometimes,” said Lori Thomas of Portland, during an Auburn Mall shopping trip with her sister.

Etiquette experts say drivers need to consider common courtesy, not speed, when it comes to parking. They shouldn’t steal spots, turn petty annoyances into major battles or ignore the rules of the road. They should wait their turn and be willing to compromise.

“We’re often looking for the closest space, but maybe we’ve traveled by a space that’s only two or three away from where we want to be,” said Larry Boivin, Maine’s chief driver’s license examiner.

And, experts say, drivers should realize that everything is going to take longer during the hectic holiday season. So deal with it. Calmly. With the spirit of the season in mind.

“You do not want to do something that will demean yourself and hurt other people,” said Johnson. “We do not resort to finger puppetry.”