HENNIKER, N.H. (AP) – This Memorial Day is agonizingly personal for Jean Durgin.

Her son, Army Sgt. Russell Durgin, was killed nearly a year ago in Afghanistan, and this holiday is a reminder of that hard truth.

“I have to acknowledge that Russell’s gone,” she said. “And whenever I’m forced to do that, that’s heartbreaking.”

Durgin and his twin brother, Sean, became reservists while still in high school and Russell was activated on Sept. 11, 2001. After serving briefly in the U.S., he joined the Army.

“I want action,” his mother remembers he said.

Durgin made it safely through a tour in Iraq in 2003 and when he deployed to Afghanistan in March 2006 he told his mother he would be safer there. He was wrong. Durgin was killed June 13, 2006 while on a mountaintop patrol.

“I cry for myself, but I also cry for Russ,” she said. “He had plans. He knew where he was going, and that was taken away from him on some stupid mountain.”

Jean Durgin has worked through her grief by trying to stay busy in the intervening year. She organized a Memorial Day exhibit in Henniker of New Hampshire service members killed since Sept. 11, 2001. Last weekend she attended a ceremony in Washington for families of Iraq and Afghanistan casualties. Durgin wore a shirt with Russell’s photo, drawing sympathetic words from passers-by.

“Whenever anyone would say, ‘I’m so sorry for your loss,’ I’d remind them: It’s not just my loss. It’s your loss, too,” she said.

She has also taken comfort in photos and videos of Durgin discovered in a camera sent home with his personal belongings after his death. One video shows him joking around in Afghanistan, narrating a video of showing their bare living quarters. “Another day in paradise. Livin’ the dream,” Durgin deadpans.

Jean Durgin said she has watched the videos over and over again.

“It’s a wonderful gift he sent us,” she said.

“Little snippets of him up on that mountain, still making us laugh. He was serious, but he always found a reason to bring a smile.”

Monday, runners will converge at Pat’s Peak in Henniker for a memorial 5K run and fundraiser for war veterans.

“This young man is the face of a lost future, said run organizer Suzanne Couhie, whose son attended high school with the Durgin twins and also serves in the military. Other public memorials are planned – Gov. John Lynch will be in Henniker on Monday to sign a bill that names a bridge in town in Durgin’s memory. A memorial for all veterans is planned at the veterans cemetery in Boscawen.

On Saturday the Durgin family gathered privately to unveil Russell’s gravestone at the cemetery in Henniker.

“Climb to Glory Russ” is carved into the polished black marker. “Farewell to the boy with a smile on his face.”

For Jean Durgin, the grief and worry are not over. Sean Durgin is a crew chief in Maryland’s Air National Guard. He is to be deployed to Afghanistan later this year, and looking forward to it.

“I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to worry about it,” she said. “I’m kind of worn out, worry-wise.”