We live for this.

A couple years back, that slogan was the ridiculous and forgettable sales pitch for, um, help me. Was it the NFL? NBA? NHL? NASCAR? No, wait: Major League Baseball. I think.

Point made.

It was so untrue as to be laughable. Nobody grew up more obsessed with professional sports than I did, and I can’t think of a game not involving the Patriots or Red Sox for which I’ve sat riveted to the couch in years. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I watch because it fits into my life, but not because it’s the drug that keeps me vertical.

Now, the high school basketball tournament, on the other hand …

You only think I’m kidding. There are at most three reasons why I’ve not yet left this state of exorbitant taxes, endless winters and overrated quality of life, moved to Arizona and adopted the lifestyle of a starving artist. And I can’t think of the other two offhand.

Go ahead. Look out your window this morning and tell me I’m insane. Only one thought is preventing me from curling up into a fetal position on my couch and subjecting the neighbors to primal scream therapy. It’s that I will be sequestered in Augusta and/or Portland watching the magic unfold these next nine days.

End of rant thinly disguised as a disclaimer.

Together with my colleagues Kevin Mills and Randy Whitehouse, both of whom have watched more basketball games in-person over the last 10 years than Dick Vitale, I’ll be pleased to spin a web of game stories, notebooks, features and live blogs.

Hopefully you’re making plans to reside with me in the belly of the beast. If you aren’t courtside, or can’t be, hopefully we’ll do our part to put you in the front row.

The two high priests of tri-county hoop will bring you their predictions and analysis Friday and Saturday, to coincide with the start of the girls’ and boys’ madness. Today, because I can, I’m taking the first opportunity to stand on a limb. If I can find one that isn’t tangled across a downed power line, that is.

Class A

Boys: On behalf of every other team in the state, this is called Patriots Pop Psychology. Here goes. Bangor is the greatest team of all time. Bangor has no weaknesses. The only question about Bangor is the winning point spread in the state final. So there.

The scary part is that I think most of that is true. As for who gets to potentially play the role of the Giants, I’ll say Cheverus recovers from its late-season swoon and finds a way to win in a balanced West bracket. State final: Bangor 54, Cheverus 36.

Girls: Just as 50 is the new 35 (speaking of forgettable advertising babble), Deering is the new McAuley. The Rams should be good enough to ward off the Noble-South Portland survivor in the West. Lawrence hasn’t been a top seed in the East since Cindy Blodgett’s senior year of 1994. Cony was a burr under the Bulldogs’ collar back then, and it would be foolish to think that Rachael Mack and the Rams won’t give Brogan Liberty and the ‘Dogs a run. In the end, the Heal Points will hold form. State final: Deering 58, Lawrence 47.

Class B

Boys: Maranacook is healthy this year. The Black Bears didn’t have to play a silly preliminary game, like everyone else. And if it’s close, they have a star in Ryan Martin who is capable of an Andy Bedard or Matt Rossignol-like explosion. The picture is cloudier in the West, where Cape Elizabeth is a clear No. 1 after beating Yarmouth in the season finale. Mountain Valley is the mystery team, thanks to its MVC schedule. All I know about the Falcons is that they abhor losing in any sport and that they play like it. They will be an incredibly tough out. State final: Maranacook 67, Mountain Valley 60.

Girls: One and two in the West also played in the girls’ season finale, with defending regional champion Lake Region routing Falmouth. Up in Banguh, Waterville appears untouchable. Looks like a rematch of last year’s overtime classic finale, to me. State final: Waterville 52, Lake Region 40.

Class C

Boys: Throw the names Dirigo, Winthrop and Boothbay into a hat to get your Western champ. Throw the names Thomas Knight, Sam Leclerc and Kris Noonan into the same hat to pick your tournament MVP. Five-on-five, the Cougars have an edge, and I like the way they’re playing. The road to the East title goes through Calais. Not literally, thank goodness. State final: Calais 68, Dirigo 62.

Girls: Madison gets the first ever bye to the regional final, probably facing No. 12 St. Dom’s in the semis after Hebron goes bye-bye in the quarters. One year and one round later it’ll be Mt. Abram standing in Monmouth’s way again in the West semis. Yes, I’m a Mustang by birth and residence, but even objectively speaking the edge is theirs. But I’ll give Madison the same nod in Round 4 of the friendliest rivalry you’ll ever find. Although Houlton is the favorite out East, they lose my coin flip. State final: Madison 51, Lee Academy 48.

Class D

Boys: If you’re not a Richmond fan, reread the paragraph pertaining to Bangor. If you bleed Bobcat maroon, prepare to paint your face for a state finals appearance. After years of Valley standing in everyone’s way, the Cavaliers will be just a speed bump in the regional clash. Central Aroostook is undefeated in the other half of the bracket, but Eastern D is a haven for upsets. And Deer Isle-Stonington has that championship mystique working from a year ago. State final: Deer Isle-Stonington 65, Richmond 60.

Girls: Buckfield didn’t steamroll everybody in the West on its way to 18-0, and Valley, Richmond and Forest Hills all have the talent to put the Bucks on the ropes. But knock ’em out? I doubt it. Ten bucks if you can pick out Washburn on a map of Maine in seven seconds or less. We’ll all get a geography lesson the week leading up to the battle for the Gold Ball. State final: Washburn 45, Buckfield 36.

Kalle Oakes is a staff writer. His e-mail is [email protected].