I address this to the person busily building an ark at this very moment. (With all the rain, I hope someone is!)

To whom it may concern:

This time, please omit pairs of houseflies, biting flies, mosquitos and Japanese beetles. Would you also de-flea, de-louse and de-mite the pairs before they enter, and once again before they disembark?

I suggest that you also ask if rats and gophers are absolutely necessary. Oh, and slugs, too.

Thanking you in advance, on behalf of those who will inherit the Earth.

I remain yours, sincerely, damply, crankily and quite frankly over all those darn rainbows.

Suzy Bottomley, Oxford