Dropping the eldest child off at college for the first time not easy. Saying farewell to the youngest considerably more challenging.
So, how do we say goodbye in a way that best supports our children?

Share your tangled emotions with your child. It’s OK for them to know that you have some sad thoughts but don’t add another layer of guilt to their stressed world by letting them think that you are going to fall apart when you return home to an empty house.
Save those thoughts for a friend who has already been there and done that or someone in your same situation. Revealing your deeper emotions and venting with them is safer than with your child.

Pump up your child. If you feel that they are nervous about succeeding in college either academically and/or socially, take the time to remind them of their past challenges and successes. Instill them with confidence. There was a reason they were accepted at this college: The admissions committee believes in them and their future achievements.

Have the morals, alcohol and safety discussions before arriving on campus. Many parents wait until the car is being unloaded to start dispensing advice to their children. There is too much stimuli on move-in day that distracts students.

Let your child know that you trust them to make good decisions.

Don’t ignore your other children and their needs for their own goodbyes.

Don’t feel hurt if your child seems ready to say goodbye before you do.

Allow your child to initiate the first few telephone calls/communications. Don’t require a set call-in time every day or every week. Adapt to their schedule and their need for communication. While the ubiquitous cell phone which has been referred to as “an electronic umbilical cord” connects you to your children, don’t abuse it or encourage overdependence.

Surprise them with letters via snail mail, an occasional care package but not with visits. That doesn’t mean you can’t visit, just make sure they know you’re coming.

Note from students: Don’t be excessive about anything, except giving them some cash.

Lee Bierer is an independent college adviser based in Charlotte, N.C. For more information, visit www.collegeadmissionsstrategies.com.

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