THE PROBLEM: Your child’s pal gets everything he asks for, and your child wants to know why you won’t pony up. How do you handle?

PARENT ADVICE:
“With a firm no! Is that too obvious?”
-Amy Ritter Cowen

“My kids have lobbied for everything from more American Girl dolls to new video game systems to UGG boots. The message my husband and I continually communicate is that material goods don’t bring you happiness. This may not stop the whining today, but in the future I believe our children will appreciate the wisdom of our message.”
-Mary Rayis

“I try to acknowledge the appeal of stuff and the desire to have it, but I have to speak to our family’s budget and even space constraints. I have talked with my kids about the importance of being wise with our money and given a general outline of where our money goes and why. If the item is something they might be able to save for, or earn money to buy, I encourage them to consider that as an option.”
-Jennifer Polizzi

“My favorite response: ‘I’m so sorry you were born into the wrong family. Maybe you could see if you can live with that family instead.’ That usually got the main message across: that it’s not going to happen that way in this family. It is not necessary to get into a financial discussion because kids have no concept of finances. They simply need to know what the rules and boundaries are in their home.”
-Maureen LoBue

EXPERT ADVICE:
“The best approach is to simply explain to your child every family is different and that each one makes choices about what to buy for their children,” says Mary Hickey, deputy editor at Parents magazine. “While his or her friend’s parents may choose to buy a lot of toys, this is not something that your family either wants to do or can afford to do.
“If it’s a question of budget, you can even explain that you simply don’t have enough money to buy everything that everyone would like. Explain that you have sufficient funds to pay for your home, your car, your food and other really important things, but there’s not much left over for a lot of extras.
“If it’s more of a values question, explain that there are other things you’d rather spend your money on, such as saving for a family vacation or giving money to charity. In either case, this is a good opportunity to begin to teach your child that there are lots more important things in life than material possessions, such as having fun with friends or sharing loving moments with family.”
And if the begging continues?
“If your child really covets a particular item, you might use this as an opportunity to teach a lesson in delayed gratification,” Hickey says. “Help her save her allowance and birthday money so she can chip in to buy that American Girl doll. It’s likely she’ll treasure it even more if she has been invested in working toward acquiring it.”

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