The season of giving
Went to Shaw’s the other day to pick up… Oh, I don’t know. An emollient facial cream and some figs for a salad. But before I got through the door I had to pass through three separate groups asking for money. The Salvation Army lady was there ringing a bell with such vigor, Blue Oyster Cult is thinking of hiring her. A team of pre-teen cheerleaders was there delivering the chant: “Give me a nickle! Give me a dime! What’s that spell? Yaaaaaaaaay, cheapskate!”
And a group of young lads in army fatigues was there, but I didn’t find out why they were seeking funds. By that point, I was doing the little dance. You know the one. It’s where you pat your right pocket, dig deep into the left one and discover that you don’t have a single coin or wrinkled bill on you. Who carries cash anymore? And then you mumble something about how you might have a little dough on you when you come back outside, but of course you don’t. You used your debit card to pay for that pomegranate and volumizing shampoo. And so, burning with shame, you try to shuffle out an alternate exit only to find three different groups out there. Time to do the pocket dance one more time. So I figure I’ve gotta start carrying cash again, or else learn how to grow figs and pomegranates in my basement.

Police chase in Lisbon
Is it me? Or did the rest of you get the image of Keanu Reeves hauling ass after a fleeing Patrick Swayze in the surfer suburbs of L.A? This one had it all. A truck ramming a police cruiser and a foot chase that involved the culprit bolting through a sleeping woman’s apartment. It was a very convincing and dramatic scene until Keanu (played by a Lisbon cop) turned to the camera and completely over-inflated the line: “I … am an FBI … AGENT!”
Coming up next: The officer and suspect jump out of a plane without parachutes only to land in Jeeps and roar off to Australia. Man, Lisbon is raucous!

Haunted Poland
An observant reader named Cindy wrote to tell me that the ghost girl of Poland is back, and more after-lifey than ever. This time she was spotted on Brown Road, a short stretch that runs between routes 26 and 11. Apparently, the specter this time is in the form of a wood cutout attached to a post near an old farmhouse. I know, right? Spooky. I went out there to see the ghost for myself, but I got distracted by a trail that meanders off into the woods. I was pretty excited to hit that trail with my dual sport, but no. There’s a sign that says “snowmobiles only” tacked to a tree. Seriously, what’s up with that? Will the presence of my Suzuki on that enticing trail somehow thwart snow? I don’t get it.
But anyway … ghost tacked to a post. Check it out and get back to me.

Lou Dobbs for president?
Jowly and cantankerous is OK, but a moderate? Clearly we can’t have that kind of middle-of-the-road thinking when the one thing the left and right agree on is that arguing loudly is the best thing for the nation.

Scrooged
Who wants to participate in a pool to wager on which beloved Christmas decoration will first be swiped from a yard and when? I’ve got inflatable Winnie the Santa on Dec. 4.

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