Fairy tale or crime story?

This is the Goldilocks of store robbers. The first heist produced bills that were too wrinkly. The second stick-up got him mostly coins. The third was okay, but the store clerk wasn’t exactly trembling and the cash bag smelled funny. By going for that “just right” robbery, our greedy friend got tackled by a police version of the three bears and landed his butt in jail. This is the fairy tale thieves will tell their children for years to come.

 Big Apple of my eye

Seriously, what’s up with people robbing these stores? Clearly what they need is a trap door in front of their registers, a la Montgomery Burns. Hand over the cash? Sorry, no can do. But please enjoy the Basement of Bees while we wait for the cops. Click. Aiyeeeeeee!

Comedy Central censors South Park

For a network with “comedy” in its name, these guys are short on humor. I’d boycott them, you know, but it’s the only place I can go to learn about current events.

Earth Day

I celebrated by getting very close to the earth in a sort of fast embrace. Wiped out in wet patch of sand and fell into the mud. Next year, I’ll take the extra step and conserve some energy by getting my lights knocked out in the fall.

Hannaford coming to Turner?

You know what happens after Hannaford moves in? Rite Aid comes along. And you know what happens after Rite Aid? That’s right: six more Rite Aids.

Spring clean-up

Since there’s no curbside service this year, residents in Lewiston are encouraged to take old furniture, carpeting, mattresses, building materials, wood, Sheetrock, scrap metal and appliances to the landfill at 424 River Road. Or just call my wife and she’ll take it off your hands. Seriously, have you seen my basement? Looks a lot like 424 River Road.

Take it like a man

I had the privilege this week of seeing a couple argue bitterly at the Shaw’s in Lewiston. Their faces red and teeth grit, they bickered up the soup aisle, down the bakery aisle and all the way to fruits and vegetables. the center of the debate? American Idol was about to start and here they were, shopping when they could be home.

“You do this every time!” said one.

“What, we should go without food so you can watch Idol?” shot back the other.

“Would it kill us to go shopping some other day of the week.”

“Shut up, will you? Your whining isn’t making this go any faster.”

The petulant Idol fan was the male half of the dispute, a sulking man in a baseball cap, neck chain, over-sized shorts and arm tats. This amused me to no end.

It’s not that I was following them and watching for my own entertainment, mind you. I just happened to need soup, bakery items and a pomegranate that night.

mlaflamme@sunjournal.com

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