If the barbed wire’s a-rockin

In Auburn, a woman was standing on a sidewalk and gazing up through binoculars at the county jail. Presumably, her lover was up there somewhere, standing before a slotted window and throwing intricate hand signs. Behold, the jailhouse version of cyber sex. It’s beautiful in its way.

En garde!

In Lewiston, a man was reported walking down the street with a sword. But not in a threatening manner. Apparently the sword was folded neatly and securely in his wallet.

Job security

In Mechanic Falls, a firefighter was charged with arson. You know what you almost never hear of? A news reporter committing heinous crimes just so he’ll have something big to cover. But I’m just thinking aloud, now.

The ins and outs of the jail system

With all the fuss about Lindsay Lohan’s abbreviated jail sentence, we should all remember one thing: Real criminals get sprung pretty quickly too. How many times have you read about some fiend assaulting an elderly person and burning down an animal shelter. When the fiend is caught, you think “Whew. Glad that monster is off the street.” Then a year later, you read that the same ogre was caught jaywalking outside the YWCA. Genuine bad guys are in and out all the time. Maybe there’s a big trampoline inside all the jails and some crooks just know how to hit it just right so that they bounce right out the door. Or maybe the court system is too feeble about putting those who commit heinous or repeat crimes. Ask a cop, or the victim of a crime, for his opinion.

Arranged marriages in Lewiston?

Lewiston has long been considered the city to visit if you need a woman fast, but somehow I don’t think this is what anybody had in mind.

Dogged pursuit of financial support

His name is Tom and he loves his dogs. So when he got an invitation to donate to the Stanton Bird Club this week, it took him a solid hour to stop laughing. Here was the opportunity to fork over between $25 and $500 to the group that voted to ban dogs from the bird sanctuary. He read and re-read the postcard invitation that came in the mail. He did some quick math and came up with the precise amount that he would donate. “Not a damn thing,” said Tom. “They’ve got a lot of nerve to even ask.”

What’s the rush?

If you heard a plaintive wail around 8 p.m. Thursday, that was just me spotting the first “Back to School” display in a local store. I hate those signs as much now as I did in the third grade. They’re worse, even, than Christmas decorations in October.

Who’s a good boy?

So, I was over at the new dog walk park in Lewiston, just hanging out beside the fence and watching the dogs run and play. I don’t have a dog of my own, you see, so all I can do is look. And while I was standing there, all by myself and dogless, it occurred to me that this may be the canine equivalent of a stranger hanging around a playground. I was just one step short of carrying around puppy treats and offering them to strange dogs at the park.

I really need to get a dog of my own. Or start interacting with humans more.

Make your stand

Over the scanner on Friday, a police officer had to spell out the name of a person he had stopped. “M-O-O-N,” he said. That spells Moon. Shortly after, the world ended and a total punk took over Las Vegas. Get it? If not, you don’t rent enough Stephen King.”

Copy the Story Link