The Riverside Three

Old school sleuthing led police to a group of lovable young people whom they arrested for trashing Riverside Cemetery. To me, this is a feel-good story, and not simply because a group of alleged ghouls was nabbed. It’s a feel-good piece because everybody in our local world is in complete agreement on the happy outcome of the case. Even the most seasoned whiner (you know who you are, crybaby) in cyberspace could only muster an “about time” comment, a feeble attempt to criticize police for the whopping five days it took them to solve the case. It’s unity, my friends. We should gather in Kennedy Park, hold hands and sing that Coca-Cola song.

Johnny Get Your Gun (and keep it in Detroit)

Call me a pinhead, but I rather admire Johnny Damon’s decision to skip a return to Boston and stay with the Tigers instead. After jumping from Boston to New York and getting World Series rings in both, you got the idea that Johnny was . . . well, let’s just say, less than chaste in the baseball sense. If he was a woman, we’d have a name for that kind of gold-digging promiscuity. But Johnny D. isn’t a woman, he just throws like one.

‘Spamalot’

I admit it. I returned to the Maine State Music Theater for a second play inside a month. I’ll be shopping for skirts before you know it. But it’s always good to interact with theater folks. They’re crazy, you know. This time, the good people of MSMT left a note welcoming me to the show and hinting that there might be something underneath my seat. There was: a bag containing two cans of – wait for it – Spam, the luncheon meat. I was impressed. I was moved. I was so grateful for this gift from strangers, I ate it with my fingers in the parking lot.

It’s very touching, all of it. I just can’t help but wonder how these folks would have treated me had I panned “Chicago” instead of praised it.

Restoring honor

By the time you read this, Glenn Beck will have delivered his speech and the world will be a different place. Say goodbye to the Internet chumps. It’s all done on chalkboards now.

Free shoes in Kennedy Park!

One woman who works nearby said so many people descended on the park so quickly Friday for the shoe give-away, she thought it was the Second Coming. But it wasn’t. That was a day later in Washington, D.C. (See above.)

In the interest of balance

I promise I’ll make fun of Keith Olbermann next week. If he happens to organize a rally and promises that miracles will occur.

A grizzly find

In Lewiston, police went into the woods beneath the Veteran’s Bridge and cleaned up a few camp spots. What wasn’t reported was that while they were out there, officers Spic and Span also happened upon a burly, bearded man with a bear companion and another fellow traveling with a mule named Number Seven. It just goes to show that deep inside the forest is a door into another land.