DEAR ABBY: My wife recently died of lung cancer. While the family would like her ashes buried at the family plot, it was my wife’s wish for her remains to be scattered in a favorite location far away. Family members are trying to discourage me by raising all sorts of issues.

Abby, is there any TSA or airline rule/law that would prevent me from carrying my wife’s ashes on a flight to another state? — MISSING MY LADY OUT WEST

DEAR MISSING: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your wife. I spoke with Transportation Security Administration spokesman Greg Soule. One challenge with transporting crematory remains may involve the security screening process.

TSA personnel will never ask you to open an urn. However, if the urn is made of metal that cannot be penetrated by X-ray, it would have to be packed in your checked baggage or shipped. Some funeral homes will transfer ashes to a temporary plastic container in situations like this. Urns made of ceramic or wood typically do not present a challenge.

Mr. Soule said he is not aware of any airline that prohibits passengers from traveling with crematory remains, but it’s a good idea to check with the airline in advance. You should also visit www.tsa.gov, click on “For Travelers” and read the section on “Traveling With Special Items.”

DEAR ABBY: I consider myself an intelligent, accomplished young woman. I get good grades. I aced my SATs and am an accomplished musician. My problem is I’m afraid I project an image that is too “girly” or immature.

I have a naturally high voice and people seem surprised when they learn how well I do in school and in extracurricular activities. Sometimes I’m tempted to prove them wrong, but I’m also worried about the impression I give professors, employers and those who matter. How do I present myself more professionally so that people will take me seriously without sacrificing my femininity? — STUDENT IN OBERLIN, OHIO

DEAR STUDENT: Whether it’s fair or not, many people do form preconceptions because of the way someone presents her- or himself. Two suggestions come immediately to mind. Ask an adult to go through your closet with you and help you coordinate outfits that are conservative and more mature than “school outfits.” If you have the money, start investing in some clothes that are suited to a business environment. And last — but not least — talk to a voice coach or speech therapist about lowering the register of your voice, which will make you appear to be older and more assertive.

DEAR ABBY: I am the father of a well-educated, 27-year- old daughter who has a master’s degree. Yet she never remembers birthdays, Christmas, Father’s Day, etc. with a gift. While I have never expected anything lavish, it’s hurtful to receive nothing but a card.

My daughter wasn’t raised this way. She was fortunate to have two professional parents who provided a very good life for her. What should I do, Abby? Should I just send a card for her birthday and Christmas, or write and let her know how hurtful I find her negligence? — NOT GIFTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR NOT GIFTED: Your daughter may hold a master’s degree, but she’s not a mind-reader. I can’t think of a better way to communicate your feelings in a clear, coherent way than to put them in writing. Go ahead and write her a letter. But before mailing it, wait three or four days so you can reread and edit it if necessary.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby — Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

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