DEAR ABBY: I recently gave birth to a beautiful, perfect baby girl, “Cassie.” I also just returned to work. I would love to stay home, but I cannot afford to financially. I am lucky that my best friend, “Mary Ellen,” doesn’t have to work and has offered to care for my little 8-week-old bundle of joy.

My problem is, every day when I go to pick up Cassie, I must wait for Mary Ellen to say goodbye to her. She has started instructing me about how Cassie likes to sleep, be burped and held. While I appreciate her watching and caring for my little one, I am Cassie’s mom and I know what she likes. The time I have with my daughter is precious. I just want to pick her up and go home.

How do I tell my friend it upsets me that she feels she should tell me about how to care for my own baby? I feel guilty and sad that I must work, and her comments make it worse. I know she’s only trying to help. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but what can I do? — WORKING MOMMY IN BALTIMORE

DEAR WORKING MOMMY: Before your resentment grows any further, set Mary Ellen straight. Tell her you’re grateful she can watch Cassie, but when you come to pick her up you want the baby ready to go. Tell your friend the time you must spend away from your daughter is painful and when she “suggests” how to hold or burp the baby, it makes you feel it’s a reflection on your maternal ability.

If Mary Ellen gets it, things will improve. If she doesn’t, make other arrangements for your child. Your friend may be becoming too attached to your baby and confused about her role.

DEAR ABBY: I run a successful restaurant business. One of my key employees, “Zayne,” has Tourette’s syndrome. He has been a loyal and valuable waiter for many years.

When customers ask what is wrong with him because he makes noises or hits himself, how should I respond? Most of our regular customers understand his condition and ignore it. However, we do get the occasional socially inept customer who gawks or asks rude questions.

I would defend and protect Zayne. He knows people ask about him, and if they question him, he tells them about his condition. What’s the best way to respond politely to people who don’t have a clue? — ZAYNE’S BOSS IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

DEAR BOSS: If you are asked about Zayne, tell the questioner, “That’s Zayne. He has been a valued employee here for many years. If you want an answer to your question, ask HIM.”

DEAR ABBY: Every time my son and his wife get into a big argument, she kicks him out of the bedroom and has their 8-year-old daughter sleep with her. This has happened many times in my granddaughter’s life.

Should I be concerned for my granddaughter, or mind my own business? — CONCERNED GRANDMA IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONCERNED GRANDMA: If you’re smart you won’t insert yourself into your son and daughter-in-law’s marital problems. They have enough of them without that. As to your granddaughter being invited to bunk with her mother when her father is in the doghouse — I don’t think it will harm the child. Hearing her parents squabble might, however.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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