DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old daughter, “Skye,” is starting to go through puberty. She’s not comfortable discussing things with me; instead she goes to her older sister with all her questions. They talk to each other in whispered tones in their bedroom with the door closed and locked.

When I try to discuss things with Skye, she becomes red in the face and refuses to talk to me. She is now ashamed to even have me see her undressed, but has no shyness about her body with her sister.

They have always had a close relationship, and I am pleased about that, but I feel shut out of what should be something between a mother and a daughter. I do not feel I have ever done anything to make Skye feel uncomfortable with me about such things, and I feel hurt to be excluded like this.

My older daughter was very open with me about what she was experiencing when she was going through puberty. I have tried to ask Skye what the problem is; she won’t talk to me. What can I do? — SHUT OUT IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR SHUT OUT: No two children are alike, and it appears that your younger daughter is modest to the extreme. It’s possible that because Skye has always shared a room with her older sister, that’s the reason she’s more comfortable discussing the changes that are occurring with her rather than you.

My advice is to step back and don’t push Skye. Be glad she can confide in her sister, and check with your older girl periodically to find out if there is anything you should know.

DEAR ABBY: Due to the war on terror and a renewed sense of patriotism, more individuals and businesses are displaying American flags. However, many appear to be unfamiliar with flag etiquette.

With Veteran’s Day approaching (Nov. 11), please encourage readers to inspect their flags and make sure they are being displayed correctly. If the flag is torn or dirty, it should be cleaned and mended, or disposed of with dignity. A properly handled flag is a sign of respect to those who have served, and currently serve, to protect the freedoms we Americans often take for granted. — PROUD FAMILY MEMBER OF A VETERAN

DEAR PROUD FAMILY MEMBER: Your letter is timely and important. Proud Americans who display flags should be aware of a rule of flag etiquette that states that the flag should be in good condition. Sadly, I have seen more than a few that looked like faded red, white and blue rags.

According to the U.S. Flag Code, “When a flag has served its useful purpose, it should be destroyed, preferably by burning.” The pamphlet “Flag Etiquette” published by the American Legion states: “For individual citizens this should be done discreetly so that the act is not perceived as a protest or desecration.”

Many American Legion posts conduct Disposal of Unserviceable Flag ceremonies on June 14, Flag Day, each year. The Boy and Girl Scouts of America also are able to conduct these ceremonies. If you’re ready to dispose of yours, check with the local Boy or Girl Scout Council — or wait until the Girl Scout cookie sales start locally and offer the flag to a troop during a sale at a small business.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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