It’s Halloween and pretty soon a lot of little ghosts and goblins will be amassing at my front door in search of treats and threats of tricks.
They will be in luck this year because I haven’t had the opportunity to eat all the good candy. In some years past I have managed to polish off the stash of peanut butter cups and chocolate bars, necessitating a last-minute dash to the store to replenish the supply. Unfortunately, for Halloween day shoppers, the selection of sweet treats is usually down to Tootsie Rolls and lollipops. Not that there is anything wrong with Tootsie Rolls and lollipops, but the kids always get a slew of them and they don’t rank real high as the best Halloween treats.
On the plus side of having dull candy is that your house gets designated as a secondary choice by the trick-or-treaters. They seem to come by more out of politeness than expectation and the numbers are few and far between. You get to rest a little.
On the years that I haven’t depleted the top shelf candy, the word got around and my house was designated as a “must go there” house by the little hobgoblins. On those years I was at the door nonstop for about two hours.
I remember when I was a kid there were several “must go there” houses where candy bars and Sugar Daddies were pretty much guaranteed. And I’m talking full sized candy bars, not the little bite-sized ones that most people give out. And there were a few houses that we knew would offer popcorn balls and apples, but we went there anyway so no one’s feelings would be hurt. Besides, the goal was to fill your trick-or-treat bags as full as you could so it really didn’t matter if you got a lot of popcorn balls and apples.
Little kids must think Halloween is just the greatest time of the year next to Christmas. They get to dress up as their favorite character or spook and go knock on doors and be rewarded for their efforts with candy, which under normal circumstances their parents only let them have in small doses.
That’s another thing I remember as a kid, coming home with a bag laden with goodies. My brother and I would dump our night’s haul into separate bowls to see who had the most, then we would set about trading with each other and stuffing our mouths just as quickly as we could. Right about the time we had a really good sugar binge going our mother would ruin everything by taking our bowls away and telling us it was time for bed.
I never quite understood where she managed to hide the bowls, but the only time we would see them after Oct. 31 was when she chose to parcel out the candy for our good behavior. This was good for about a week or two and then forgotten until months later when a cupboard cleaning would uncover the bowls of very stale candy. I had no pride; I would eat as much of it as I could dig out of the trash before I got caught.
But on Halloween, that candy was some good. It was good right up until bedtime when, with our bellies full of Snickers and Milky Ways, and our minds full of images of vampires and witches, it kept us awake and scared spitless half of the night.
I would love to relive some of those childhood Halloween years, but, alas, I’m a bit too old for it now.
I don’t think it would be greatly accepted in the neighborhood to have a 62-year-old grandmother going around knocking on doors, not to mention the fact that I would get pretty winded for all that knocking.
I feel pretty sure that with my aging memory I would get as far as the “Trick” part and forget the rest. Or I would completely forget why I’m knocking on a neighbor’s door at all and end up borrowing a cup of sugar, just to save face.
And, if I did actually carry out the mission any number of candy bars being tossed into my trick-or-treat bag would only cause me to lose my balance and I would probably fall down the steps flat on my butt.
I would also be afraid that sooner or later someone would tell me that I have a great Keith Richard’s mask when I wouldn’t be wearing a mask at all.
I know that I would definitely be the only Power Ranger in town with arthritis and varicose veins. I shouldn’t be eating any candy anyway unless they put out high fiber Three Musketeers.
It would be pretty embarrassing for my grandsons to have to take me by the hand and lead me home because I forgot where I lived.
As nice as it would be to relive those glory days of Halloween, I’m afraid it really can’t be done. I will leave the trick-or-treating to my grandsons who I know are really excited and can’t wait to come to my house and show me their costumes and raid my candy bowl. They always love to come to my house because they know they can always count on me to give them hugs and kisses no matter what and let them do some things their parents don’t allow.
To them, I am the typical grandmother that is always ready to spoil them rotten and do whatever it takes to make them happy. And as the typical grandmother I want them to grow up with very happy memories of all their childhood Halloweens. And the way I see it, seeing their typical grandmother dressing up as Buffy the Vampire Slayer to go trick-or-treating with them, would only give them nightmares that would last them their whole life.
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