DEAR ABBY: My 9-year-old son’s friend “Isaac” was over for a visit. He was captivated by our Labrador retriever, “Layla,” who is very loving. Isaac doesn’t have a dog, so he wanted to play with Layla. At one point, I overheard him say to my son, “Look, I’m riding your dog!” I immediately intervened, but I was too late.

A day or so later, Layla was unable to descend our stairway and was clearly in pain. She has been on pain medication for three weeks and is growing progressively worse. The next step is to get X-rays and/or an MRI to see if she has a spinal injury, and then determine her treatment. It’s possible the damage is irreversible.

My wife and I are extremely upset about this, but we’re afraid to tell our son or Isaac and his parents for fear it will place undue guilt on a 9-year-old boy. On the flip side, I wouldn’t want him to do this to anyone else’s beloved pet. How do you recommend we proceed? — HEARTBROKEN IN NEW YORK

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Children are not mind-readers. If you don’t tell them when they make a mistake, they won’t realize they have made one. Contact Isaac’s parents and explain what happened. If your dog needs treatment, they should be responsible for whatever damage their son did.

DEAR ABBY: The other day I was with a friend who is a bit overweight. We were trying on clothes in one of the stores. She grabbed a shirt she was sure she could fit into, but when she tried it on, it ripped. She had to pay for it.

On the ride home my friend asked me, “Am I fat?” I was at a loss, so I told her no. What should I have done? I feel horrible for lying, but I didn’t know what else to do. — LOST FOR WORDS

DEAR LOST FOR WORDS: You could have replied, “What size was the shirt?” And when she answered, you should have said, “I guess you’re a size or two larger.” It would have been more tactful than saying she was fat, and gotten the point across.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I recently attended the funeral of a friend’s father. During the sermon I noticed tears in our friend’s eyes and offered her my handkerchief. On the way home, this sparked a conversation about the obligation of a person who receives a handkerchief. Should it be returned after the event, or should it first be laundered? Or is it considered a gift, not to be returned at all?

Later that evening at a movie, I noticed a woman hand someone her handkerchief saying, “It’s monogrammed. It was my mother’s.” No mention was made of a request that it be returned. I’m sure most people wouldn’t mind letting go of a standard handkerchief, but one with sentimental value would be different, wouldn’t it? What do you suggest? — REAL MEN CARRY HANDKERCHIEFS

DEAR REAL MAN: You were chivalrous to offer your handkerchief to the grieving daughter. Had it merely been used to dab away a tear, it could have been returned to you at the end of the service. If, however, there was makeup on it — or the dab was followed by a swipe of her nose — the woman should have held onto it, laundered it and returned it to you in the presumably pristine condition it was in when you gave it to her.

As to the monogrammed (heirloom) hanky you saw lent in the theater, when the woman explained its significance to her friend, that was the tip-off that she expected it to be returned.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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