Welfare cheat sentenced to a year

Now she gets to sit her butt in a state prison where all of her housing, food and medical needs will be provided by the you, the taxpayer. That’ll teach her.

The Weiner affair

When this started making headlines, I was horrified, thinking you people had discovered the terrible thing that happened to me back in 1999. Or possibly that other thing that happened to me in 2003.

The Biz Buzz

So, I stopped in at the Business to Business Trade Show Thursday at the Colisee in Lewiston. You know. To network. Three hundred booths offering a glimpse into the future and even potential new career paths, and you know what I was drawn to? The bouncy tent. I’ll never amount to anything.

Alcohol Mary Road

As a naming convention for local streets, it leaves a lot to be desired. You take the most prominent resident and add a one-word description based on his or her favorite thing? I will see you, my friend, on Porn Paul Road, just around the corner from Vicodin Victor Lane.

Hot stuff

Nine. That’s how many people I know personally who had the temerity – after nine months of winter and a completely washed out May – to complain about the heat. You people disgust me. You’re out of my will.

Time after time

You know what’s been fun? Watching Sarah Palin and her doe-eyed fans trying to re-write history. She’ll make Paul Revere do what she wants him to do, damn it, even if she needs quantum mechanics and a wormhole to make it happen. I expect Scott Bakula and his cigar-smoking friend to be called to Sarah’s defense any day now.

 Don’t get the Scott Bakula reference? Ah, go huff your acne medication.

The grass is always greener

In Lewiston Thursday afternoon, police were called to Pine Street for a report of a lawn mower in a hallway. In some places, that’s an odd situation. In downtown Lewiston, it’s feng shui.

Local man pleads guilty to harassment by telephone

Welcome to 1993, my friend. Did you not get the memo that harassment is done by text message these days? I suppose your phone even had a cord on the end of it.

This item was flagrantly swiped from B-Section Team Editor or Something Susan Broadbent. If you liked it, send her an email and ask for more. In fact, send her an email even if you’re just a bug-eyed loner looking for a new friend. She’ll be happy to hear from you.

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