Amy Lake seemed to have done everything right.

She got a protection from abuse order against her husband, a man she said repeatedly threatened to kill her and their two children and who police said held the family hostage at gunpoint last year. She told friends, family and co-workers about her situation, putting them on alert. She got help from police, who, according to news reports, checked on her regularly. She moved. 

But it wasn’t enough.

On Monday, police say, Lake, a 38-year-old teacher, and her children, Coty, 13, and Monica, 12, were shot to death in their Dexter home by 37-year-old Steven Lake, her estranged husband and the children’s father. Steven Lake then killed himself. A family member has said he was angry about his custody dispute and upset that he was prohibited from seeing his children. He was particularly frustrated that he couldn’t attend his son’s eighth-grade graduation this week.

Maine State Police are investigating how Steven Lake got into the house. They’re also looking into where he got the gun. According to the Bangor Daily News, the protection from abuse order prohibited him from having firearms.

It was the sixth domestic violence homicide in Maine so far this year, according to state police. It was the second in the past week.

The Dexter murders shocked and saddened Maine domestic violence activists who work to protect victims from such attacks.

“It was incredibly devastating for us to watch it unfold yesterday,” said Cara Ouellette, outreach director for Safe Voices, formerly the Abused Women’s Advocacy Project, which helps those dealing with domestic violence in Androscoggin, Franklin and Oxford counties.

“This is a reality we see on a daily basis,” Ouellette said. “This is something that most certainly is a real risk for a lot of people we help.”

Safe Voices last year helped 1,650 people, including those who called into its 24-hour help line and those who needed assistance getting protection from abuse orders.

Although Ouellette didn’t have firm statistics, she said a high percentage of abusers violate protection orders.

“It’s astronomical, to be honest,” she said. “The amount of protection from abuse orders that we help with every year is a huge number. The amount that get violated is pretty significant.”

Domestic violence groups often urge abuse victims to get protection orders, even if abusers tend to violate them, because those orders give police a reason to make an arrest when the abuser contacts or approaches the victim.

“If (police) are in fact called and they have one side saying one thing and the other side saying another thing, they don’t know who’s telling the truth,” Ouellette said. “There’s nothing on record, so it becomes a huge gray area. And it’s incredibly unhelpful to the victim. It’s incredibly unhelpful to the police. So it does help to have it on record and to really verify what has been going on.”

Domestic violence activists also recommend that abuse victims create a safety plan that includes a safe place for the kids to run if the abuser shows up at their door, a secret word that victims can use when friends or family call to surreptitiously alert them to an immediate danger, and a regular schedule of check-ins by police. They also say victims should tell their friends, family and co-workers about their plight so they’ll have other people watching out for them. 

Safe Voices also gives some victims alarms with panic buttons, as well as cell phones that can be hidden around the house so victims can call 911 in an emergency.

Based on news reports, domestic violence activists believe Amy Lake did most, if not all, that they suggest. 

“This is an example of a victim that definitely took all of the steps toward safety that were available to her,” said Jill Barkley, public awareness and prevention coordinator for the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence.

“She was very vigilant,” Barkley said. “It sounds like law enforcement was vigilant. We’re looking at several systems doing everything right and still a resulting homicide. As these details unfold, it’s going to be really important not to place the blame on the victim and to really look at how we can strengthen the system that exists.”

What more could have been done?

“That’s been the question of the day,” Barkley said.

Citing the Dexter murders, state Rep. Ken Fredette, R-Newport, said Tuesday he would submit legislation to require judges to consider whether an alleged criminal has a history of domestic violence when setting bail.

Barkley said her group is always looking at better, stricter ways Maine can punish abusers who violate bail conditions or protection from abuse orders. Later this year the group will roll out a workplace initiative that focuses on things employers can do to ensure that abusers are not using work time or work resources to intimidate or abuse their victims. And the group is working with the Maine Commission on Domestic and Sexual Abuse on domestic violence issues and laws.

More than that, Barkley believes community support for the victim and intolerance for abuse is paramount. 

“He could have chosen not to kill her,” Barkley said. “That’s the only thing that would have really stopped it. But I think with that really comes an entire community that does not tolerate this behavior.”

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Safe Voices 24-hour helpline: 1-800-559-2927

Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence helpline: 1-866-834-HELP