Yellow pollen

Am I the only one alarmed at how much of this stuff is floating around lately? I’m not saying it’s an invasion-of-the-body-snatchers kind of situation. I’m just saying it probably is.

O.J. confesses to Oprah?

Turns out it was just a rumor. Which is a pity because now we’re all left wondering. Did he? Did he really suck in the “Naked Gun” movies?

Whitey Bulger nabbed

His name is Bulger. Is it any shock that he was found near Los Angeles? (I really don’t know what that means, either.)

Wilfred

In last week’s Talk of the Town, I advised that I was so excited about this new man-in-a-dog-suit show, I was going to take the day off. As it turns out, I did take the day off, but I’d like to assure everybody that it was for health reasons and not for any genuine feelings about this program. Although I did watch it. And my early thought is that it’s a dog show so bad, even Animal Control Officer Stud Wendell Strout couldn’t save it.

Auburn councilor following firetruck

Seriously, chasing a firetruck across the city with a video camera? Was there some chance the firetruck was going to drunkenly lift its shirt? Was there an indication the firetruck was about to accidentally injure its groin in a comical fashion? Were there allegations that the firetruck was sneaking around on its spouse? Because these are the only things for which a video camera should ever – ever! – be used.

Pointy finger

In Lewiston, police were called to an apartment house for a report of a person threatening others with a finger gun. If you’re not familiar with this ancient but still-popular weapon choice, it forms when one extends his thumb and pointy finger. Extremely versatile. Hide a finger gun beneath your shirt, you can easily rob any cartoon bank and/or saloon. Keep it in your pocket and you can scratch yourself. Hold your finger gun against your forehead, it forms the letter L. I know all about that letter L thing because people flash me that symbol all the time. I think it’s meant to imply “love.”

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