Bag Lady aspires to be sporty.

Someday. Post-whoopie pies, “Project Runway,” weekend afternoon naps and the latest Cosmo.

So, maybe that someday is far off. Let’s hope, then, Epic Sports will always be there.

For the second and final stop in my accidental Bangor road trip, I hit this two-story shop smack in the heart of downtown. It’s a bit like a condensed L.L. Bean or Kittery Trading Post (minus the taxidermy), with an inviting feel. One can be non-sporty and still be welcome.

On the racks and around the floor are bags of jerky, tents, kayaks, hiking shoes, campfire cookware, and clothes, clothes, clothes.

There’s also a consignment corner with all sorts of offerings from like-minded outdoorsy, sporty people. Grab a gently used bargain here for some steep savings. A sign warns that inventory turns pretty quickly there.

Dress the part, become the part? Perhaps. Lace up your sneaks and join me for a deep stretch:

* Outdoor Research sunrunner cap, $29.95

Nylon and minimalist. Your noggin will look all aerodynamic and Bruce Jennerish.

* SportHill zone two athletic wear, good for 25 to 65 degrees, $59.95-$69.95

Because it’s getting chilly out there. My shopping mate said she could channel her inner “Sporty Spice” in one of the two-tone zippered tunics.

* Turtle Fur hats, $29 and up

Colorful, snug skull caps. On name alone, love it.

* Life is Good Ultimate Disc, $14.95

I respect anything labeled “Not intended for children 12 and under.” Bag Lady has, at times, felt that same way.

* Dogobie flying disc, $6.95

Made in the USA, neon yellow so the dogs can’t lose it in the woods. It promises “long accurate flights” and “a breakthrough in aerodynamic design.” Also says it’s durable. It has survived a week and counting with the Dobermans, so it just might be.

* Rome’s Original Pie Iron, $16.95

A cast-iron doohickey on a metal stick. Does not appear pie-ish in the least. Yet the Pie Iron website insists it’s useful for both grilled cheese and grilled fruit pies. Only one way to tell. To the campfire!

* Underdog life vest, $39.95

For tentative swimmers and adorable photo ops. Unsure what it does to doggy self-esteem.

* Nesting plastic wine glass, $6.99

For a romantic picnic without the romantic after-shards.

* Mountain Hard Wear winter wonder black pants, $99.95

Like the grown-up version of ski pants — black, thin, warm and with pockets. Unclear whether your thighs make that patented ski-pants shooshing noise when you walk. Maybe test it out in the dressing room first.

* EMS Arctic sleeping bag, consignment, $125

Good to 20 below zero. I assume that’s Fahrenheit. But really, either way, brr.

* L.L. Bean Discovery Jr. 150-cm. skis, consignment, $75

Sell old skis, buy new old skis. It’s a plan.

* Isis forest night northern lights hat, $39.95

Gray with delicate adornments, 100 percent wool, 100 percent like you would find this at the Common Ground Fair. But it’s not fair time, and the store is here now. Win!

Best find: Beetle Spork, $7.95

It’s a beetle; it’s a spork! It’s the cutest thing ever. The “wings” unfold and peel back to form two spork halves. Fits in the palm of your hand. This is so going in someone’s stocking.

Think twice: Columbia Cove Beach straw hat, $25

Might as well be sold with the “Best of Dear Abby” and “So You Think You Can Knit.” The definition of unsporting.

Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who have been frisbeeless since destroying the last indestructible disc six months ago) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at baglady@sunjournal.com.

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