It’s Black Friday!

Hurray! May your sales be deep and your stamina deeper.

On this busy day, you don’t want to shop and read about shopping — better to pace life’s thrills. Instead, Bag Lady is borrowing a page, um, the editorial page to be exact, and launching into retail cheers and jeers.

Cheers: To iParty maybe moving to Auburn

In short, iWant. I miss Reed Paper & Party supply and I can’t be the only one. Bag Lady is planning a Zombie Apocalypse party — really, any reason for Mr. Bag Lady to serve MREs. She’s wrestling with how much food to spatter with red-tinted Karo syrup. Need to be tasteful, and all.

Still. It’s not a party until someone nibbles on a gangrene finger sandwich.

Cheers: To “Project Runway All-Stars” in 2012

This past season was great. Anya rocked it. But man alive, the idea of an all-stars season on TV next year is so exciting. Bring on the catty and the talent and a couture-made-from-Twinkies challenge. Oh, Austin Scarlett, I’m rooting for you.

Jeers: To Hannaford’s “My Essentials”

I’m not digging the new store-brand name. Full disclosure: This comes from someone who still writes “Shop’n Save” in her checkbook. Change is not my pal. The new logo is too happy or thin or something I can’t put my word on.

Jeers: New, smaller carts at Hannaford

Like, much smaller. One of the bagging clerks I talked to said the new “large” is about the size of the old “small.” The new “small” is a dachshund with a pack saddle.

OK, it’s not. It’s a tiny, tiered thingamabob, though. I understand from the clerk that it uses less metal per cart, but it stinks cruising down the aisle feeling as though I’ve just shopped for a family of 18 and can’t possibly fit one more tomato. (And a curious business move; don’t you want me buying more, not less?) The rub of customer loyalty, Hannaford: We notice the small things.

A photo op of dachshunds with pack saddles trotting down toiletries could make me forget the last two remarks.

Cheers: Clearance racks!

‘Tis the season. Here’s to hoping tan shorts are still in style next year!*

(* If tan shorts are somehow not in style next year, the Zombie Apocalypse is well and truly under way.)

Jeers: To more retail closures

Apologies — we don’t get to Freeport too often — but on a recent trip, Shopping Siren noticed both Adorn Me, a sweet little jewelry store on Main Street, and The Maine Dog, a pet-happy boutique in the newer downtown development, have closed. We wrote about both around Halloween-time last year. (The Maine Dog still has a Camden location.)

Adorn Me had an adorable store preschooler, an equally adorable store puppy and a way cool collection of jewelry, purses and scarves.

If that can’t make it, well, (holds head, sighs).

Just pass me a gangrene finger, please.

Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who have very little to complain about, but now that they think about it, haven’t gnawed a good pig ear in a while) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at baglady@sunjournal.com

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