Let’s face it. A good many of the promises we make – to ourselves or to another – we break.

Worse, we break them without compunction. We promise to kick the smoking habit for the New Year, but come March we’re still sucking down a pack a day. We promise to do more with our kids but when the time comes, it seems like too much work. We shrug and go on with our lives, broken promises piling up as we go.

We asked our readers for promises that were made and then kept in their own lives and we were surprised by the responses. There was little to none of the usual New Year’s resolutions – nobody wrote to tell us about sticking to diets or giving up nightly glasses of wine.

What we got was heavy stuff. Life-changing promises that were made and then kept. Interestingly, a good number of respondents wrote not about promises they made themselves, but promises that were made by others that affected the writers’ lives. Their stories are here. They’re probably not what you expected as another new year of resolutions rolls around, but you’ll find them interesting, some even inspiring.

We promise.

Lori Hallett LaBelle, Auburn

“2008: Separated after 24 years of marriage, feeling alone and sad and constantly struggling with my faith, as I was still upset with God for putting me in this predicament. My youngest daughter goes off to college in Orono and I find myself completely alone for the first time in my life.

“Struggling both financially and emotionally, and waiting for some sign from God that my life will be better. One week before Christmas – December 18th, 2008: the sudden and tragic death of my beloved nephew Matthew. My brother called me while I was at work right after we had our office Christmas lunch. A day that was a whirlwind of pain, sorrow and emotions, and also the day Joslyn was coming home from Orono to attend a local college . . . left to tell her the tragic news about her cousin, who was also her best friend. Having to be strong as she collapsed to the floor lost in sorrow. One of the worst days of my life. And as I had to relay the story three more times to my other daughters, I wondered: Where is God now?

“2009: Doing laundry like I did every Saturday at the laundromat, staying to myself except when I had to put my clothes in the washer or dryer or fold them. I sit in my car in between because so many people want to talk to me for some reason, but I don’t feel like it. A group of people came in with a box containing small gift bags. They start walking around and asking people, myself included, if they can pay for our laundry.

“A nice man named Ray asked me if he could pay for my laundry and handed me one of the bags (which contained $5 worth of quarters). I told him I was done, so didn’t need it, but said ‘thank you for offering.’ He said, ‘Please let us help. You can use it next time.’ I said, ‘OK. You must belong to a church or this is Maine’s version of Candid Camera because no one helps like this much in today’s world.’

“He said he belonged to a local church – Grace Community Church – and they were doing this as a community outreach. I asked for some info, which I was provided in a pamphlet. I got into a brief conversation about how I haven’t been to church in far too long because I didn’t feel comfortable and felt judged, so probably wouldn’t come, but might check them out. Ray, in a nonconfrontational way, said ‘Well, we are not like that. Our church is full of loving people and I PROMISE you would feel welcome and accepted, and I can PROMISE you would not be judged.’

“I again said I might stop in sometime and he told me he could promise I would not regret it. I thanked him and went on my way.

“When I got home, my daughter told me it was too bad I didn’t go to Auburn to do my laundry because (her boyfriend) Sam’s parents’ church was giving money to people at laundromats. I smiled, reached into my purse and took out the bag of quarters and said: ‘Like this? It’s from Grace Community Church.’ Joslyn told me this was their church. I took this as a sign and asked her if she wanted to go to that church the next day. She said yes and so we did, and I have attended ever since. I even became reborn and was baptized at the church.

“How Ray’s promise changed things for me: It’s almost overwhelming. . . I wonder where to begin. I have gained a stronger sense of faith. I have met so many wonderful people through my church whom I consider family. I have become more confident and strong, and have a clearer sense of how fortunate I am in spite of any trials and tribulations that may come my way. I have a true sense of belonging and know I will never truly be alone. Last, but most important: My faith remains intact. Without faith, I would hate to imagine where I would be today.

Dean, Lewiston

“In 1991 I began serving . . . three-year sentence for unlawful sexual contact. Definitely not the proudest moment of my life but, being that my sister’s first boyfriend was a 21-year-old and she was age 14, it seemed normal enough to me. It was wrong and I never should have allowed myself to have that attraction without seeking some kind of help. But, men don’t do those things (ask for help).

“Upon my release in 1994, the children (one biological, one non-biological that he was raising with his wife before his conviction) were placed in foster care. DHHS felt their mom had chosen me over them. I entered a sex offender treatment program. . . . I left the children’s mother as I knew it was not a healthy situation. I had all the hopes in the world that the children would soon be with their mom. (But) after two years of continued failure in a rehab program (by their mother), they were still in state custody.

“One day I walked into group and was told by one of the councilors that DHHS was seeking to terminate their mom’s parental rights as she had walked away from the reunification program stating she’d see the kids again when they were 18. The oldest having already had a baby at 15 was emancipated. That left my 9-year-old in state care. One of the few times I broke down in group. When asked what was wrong, I talked about my fear that my (younger) daughter would be raised in state custody because of me and that I could never have custody of her. (She had already been bounced from one home to another to a point where she felt useless, unwanted and unloved).

“As soon as I got the words out of my mouth, the female councilor spoke the words ‘that is not true.’ . . . She asked me why I thought I could never have custody of my daughter? Seemed like a no-brainer to me. After some discussion, a meeting was set up between all of the mental health providers, DHHS and the foster mom.

“I have to tell you at this point I was seeing my daughter once a week in counseling. And that was the extent of my contact with her. At the meeting, both the foster mom and our caseworker flipped out at the thought of her coming to live with me. But, the caseworker’s supervisor agreed this should be the plan. It was at that time I knew I had no option to fail. I had to become the kind of man I was supposed to be in the first place. On some level I think we all know we are supposed to be able to look ourselves in the mirror and be OK with both parts of ourselves — the good and the bad.

“At my next counseling with my daughter, she asked me if it was true that she could come and live with me. I told her I was working very hard to make that happen and promised her that if she wanted to, I would bring her home. It took a couple of weeks for her to settle on the idea, but the thought of being with family and never having to leave again won her over.

“Nobody knows what a complicated process it is to reunify a family unless you have been a part of the process in some way. . . . It took another year or so, but in August 1997 she moved home.

“When she came to live with me she could not get a ‘C’ grade to save her life. Soon, she was honor role and stayed that way all through high school.

“The epilogue to this story is that I remarried in 2001, started a business and now raise a 6- and 8-year-old. I am divorced from their mom, but remain a healthy role model for them (not perfect, just healthy).

“I certainly don’t want sympathy from anyone, as I do not need it (or deserve it). But you did ask the question. I promised my daughter I would bring her home. As I reread this, I realize that the promise was also to me and to my young children and, for the rest of my life, to society. I would not be a monster. I would be a man.”

Josh Cousineau, Auburn

“Growing up in the church culture, my dad being the pastor of East Auburn Baptist Church, you heard about waiting to have sex until marriage. . . . To be honest I don’t remember if there was a moment that caused me to put a stake in the ground and abstain from sex until marriage. I would have to say that it was something that God caused in me, because I know in and of myself I would not be able to not have sex. . . .

“I never really made an official announcement to anyone, although many people knew about the decision to wait, including my parents. It was helpful to have people know who supported me, but that was not everyone for sure. I remember being made fun of by some friends, which was a little annoying, but it really was not that big of a deal, mainly because they were with another person every weekend, so I did not see the value or worth in that type of life. . . .

“Were there times when it was difficult to keep the promise? Always. Every day. Every date. I married my high-school sweetheart at the age of 18. We had been dating since I was 13. Keeping the promise to God was difficult, yet it was something I do not regret. After over 9 years of marriage, I believe that it has made our marriage stronger and has caused us to love each other more deeply and trust Jesus even more, because he was right: It was a better plan than that of the world or even our own desires.

“. . . We (now) have three amazing kids, two boys (6 and 4 years old) and a daughter (16 months) we adopted from Uganda in Africa. I was the youth pastor at EABC for the past five years and am now in the process of planting Redemption Hill, a new church right here in Auburn, Maine, in 2012. There are tons of changes coming in 2012 for me and my family, but we are excited to see what God will do with us.

“Here is the thing, resolutions suck, to be blunt. They are hard, and most of us will not keep them. Whether it be to abstain from sex or to lose weight, it is always hard. . . . Most of the time the thing we are removing from our life is something that we love or something that defines us. It is one thing to know that eating salad will cause us to be healthy, it is another to stop eating the pizza in favor of the salad. When we boil it down, it is because our affections are deeper for the pizza than the salad. What we love drives us. What we deeply care about moves us, and it make us who we are.

“What we need to do is not simply remove one thing for something of lesser value, but we have to replace our affection with something that is better. We have to learn to love the proverbial salad. If not, you may lose weight, but it will come back . . . For me, I have found that something better. I have found the thing that not only promises results, but it leaves me deeply satisfied.”

Lisa A. Ouellette, Lewiston

“My grandmother’s promise is now my promise.

“My 93-year-old grandmother, Leose Ducharme, promised to take care of her mentally challenged son, Robert Ducharme, as long as she lived. When her son was a young child he became very ill, which caused him to become mentally challenged.

“Six years ago, my grandmother took ill and no longer was able to take care for herself, her home and her 64-year-old son. This broke my grandmother’s heart; she had made a promise to take care of her son and when she could no longer do this, she broke down in tears and was filled with guilt. I got down on my knees and I took over her promise; I now take care of her son. At age 64, my Uncle Bobby moved into our home, he has his own apartment above us, where he remains independent but is able to receive meals, medication, rides and compassion.

“This is my promise to my grandmother and my Uncle Bobby. I love my grandmother more each day; her commitment to her children has made me the person that I am today.

“I promise to take care of my Uncle Bobby and I do love him like a son.”

Dan Crockett, Lewiston

This 35-year-old was 22 when his girlfriend became pregnant. The pregnancy did not go well, but, as it turns out, it would lead to Crockett making a promise to some other children important to him. He kept that promise and in doing so, changed his life.

“I was looking forward to the baby coming,” Crockett says. “It would have been my first. We were buying stuff for him and everything.”

But the baby was stillborn and Crockett, never long on religious faith, became angry and confused.

“I didn’t care for God at that time. Why would he take a child from us like that? I was not in a caring mood. I just didn’t care at all.”

Although Crockett’s faith was in disarray, he promised his girlfriend’s children – from a previous relationship – that he would keep taking them to the Jesus Party in downtown Lewiston. Every week, he walked the kids there. And after a time, he stopped and talked with The Rev. Doug Taylor, who leads the Party. It was a conversation that would change Crockett’s life.

“I didn’t believe in God until I came here. Instead of just being here, I started to take it all in. Brother Doug made a believer out of me. And that made me feel so much better. I felt like I had a new beginning.”

With his promise kept and faith restored, Crockett has become active with the Jesus Party and with the community at large. He coaches basketball and baseball for the local recreation leagues. He volunteers with the Jesus Party. He has come to understand that the loss of his child and a promise kept more than a decade ago may have served a higher purpose.

“Everything is done for a reason,” Crockett says. “There’s nothing now that could change my heart or change my love for God. I couldn’t ask for a better life. I come here faithfully every Friday. It’s brought out my good side.”

Copy the Story Link