For answering the door sans pants when a Lewiston police officer knocked at about 4:30 a.m. one recent morning. I feel bad about this because I’m sure cops who work in and around downtown Lewiston aren’t accustomed to seeing semi-naked people acting strangely at all hours. I hope the poor young cop will get the counseling he needs and get his career back on track.

 

A Lewiston landlord was spanked over his decision to post a “No prostitution” sign over his tenant’s apartment door. I’d like one of these signs myself, to hang over my desk in the newsroom, but none of the local hardware stores sell them. Guess its back to the wood-burning kit in the basement.

 

Before the “No prostitution” sign went up, the tenant in question had complained about conditions inside her apartment, including what was described as a “rat-like smell.” This may have been a simple misunderstanding. “Rat-like” is the latest home fragrance to sweep the nation. I use it myself. Even have the little air freshener in my car.

 

Which means many more years of struggling to correctly pronounce the man’s name. Your tongue really wants to say “Agnus,” doesn’t it?

 

Has anybody talked to Alan Alda about this? Chances are good he’ll say something funny but only as a way of masking his inner pain.

In an unrelated matter, next week’s B Section Facetime interview has been canceled.

 

An ice cream truck driver in Richmond was charged with keeping pot inside his rig. Mary Jane. The ganja. Herbage. What, riding around in a day-glo colored truck that plays “Pop Goes the Weasel” over and over isn’t mind-altering enough for you?

 

In Auburn, police fanned out in the area of the South Bridge after a man was reported wearing bulletproof armor and carrying an assault rifle. Turns out it was true, sort of. The guy was carrying accessories for an Xbox war game. See, this crap didn’t happen back in my day. Nobody called the cops to report a big yellow dot trying to eat smaller blue ones. Nobody got excited about a feckless triangle maneuvering around crudely drawn rock fragments and shooting at the occasional flying saucer. Ah, good times. Better times.