Count on columnist Cal Thomas to weigh in with his tumble-down, clueless biblicism on President Barack Obama’s recent endorsement of gay marriage.

In his latest piece (Sun Journal, May 20), Thomas had the straight face to pronounce: “People are free to accept or reject what Scripture says. What they are not free to do is to claim it says something it does not.” Meaning, of course, that they are not free to claim there’s any scriptural warrant for same-sex marriage.

Well, really — one would think that Thomas had never noticed that Christians have been crossing swords over what the Bible does and does not say, explicitly or otherwise, on crucially important matters since the proverbial Day One.

Here’s a list of doctrines, some of which this or that Christian denomination insists are biblically based that this or that denomination abhors as unbiblical: the perfect, word-for-word inerrancy and godly inspiration of the Bible itself, the equality of sacred scripture and sacred tradition, the very Trinity, the deity of Jesus Christ, the personhood of the Holy Spirit, the substitutionary atonement, the literal, physical resurrection of Christ from the dead, the existence of hell, the eternity of damnation, predestination to damnation, the damnability of masturbation, contraception, premarital sex and divorce, the existence of Purgatory, salvation by faith alone, the necessity of the church for salvation, eternal security (once saved, always saved), the utter and hopeless corruption of human nature unaided by grace, supernatural merit, the personhood of the devil, free will, the ministerial and all-male priesthood, the episcopacy, the papacy, the sacraments (are there two, three, seven, or zip?), baptismal regeneration, the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist, the necessity of sacramental confession, mortal sin, the equality of the sexes, polygamy, indulgences (oh dear!), the virgin birth, the divine motherhood of Mary, the Immaculate Conception, and the veneration and invocation of Mary and the saints.

There’s more, way more, but I’ll cut to the chase: When the churches can at long last come to an agreement about these many doctrinal matters (the conscientiously unchurched already know not to hold their breath), maybe then Mr. Thomas and his ilk can address the immorality of homosexuality and same-sex marriage with something approaching believability.

Until that day dawns, their God-fearing preachments are mere water off this gay duck’s back.

William LaRochelle, Lewiston