Another day in paradise

Sunday afternoon around 3 p.m. Two dozen motorcycles, each with EXTREMELY LOUD and quite-likely illegal pipes, go roaring up a quiet residential street in Lewiston. Sleeping babies twitch in their cribs and begin to wail. Old ladies clutch their chests and drop tea cups to the floor. A woman walking with a young boy actually scoops the child up and holds him close until the terror has passed. It lasted a full 30 seconds and it was the kind of teeth-grinding clamor that makes you think the sky is falling. If you weren’t in a bad mood before the bikers ripped by, you were in their wake. Loud pipes save lives, huh? I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that three people died of heart attacks in that half-minute.

The ‘God particle’

Found it! Well, not me specifically. But I’m pretty sure I WOULD have found it if my stupid wife had let me put in a super collider instead of a cork tile floor. But no matter. The Higgs particle has been confirmed, and with that, our understanding of matter is much richer. And you know what that means: By this time next year, we’ll have teleportation and time travel, possibly through apps on our smart phones. Now I can go back to 1983 and thwart “the incident” from occurring.

Never mind

The fact that we’ll all be toast after Dec. 21 completely slipped my mind. Stupid Mayans.

Fourth of July canceled

Irony. The sky was filled with loud booms and bright flashes of light, conditions that were deemed far too dangerous for fireworks.

Amateurs

Clearly, the nonprofessional pyrotechnics were not intimidated by stormy weather. All night long, bangs, pops and sizzles were heard around the Twin Cities. When’s the last time you heard all those pops and smelled that much gunpowder around downtown Lewiston, anyway? Oh, right. May.

Tears falling like streamers

I don’t know about you, but my holiday was marred by that whole thing between Katie and Tom. I mean, how sad.

Or whatever

I have no idea what happened between Katie and Tom. Did they get banned from the Acme Club or something?

Aum and whatnot

Do you meditate? Drinking yourself unconscious doesn’t count. If you have a regular practice of getting your aum on, I’d like to hear about it. Write me at mlaflamme@sunjournal.com.

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