DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Vic,” and I used to work at the same company. While I worked there I noticed that one of the women who worked in the building cafe seemed to have a crush on him.

I left work to be a stay-at-home mom. I trust my husband and know he would never do anything with this woman. However, I’m uncomfortable because he talks about her often, and she gives him free food just about every day and jokes around with him. If I have lunch with Vic there, she won’t look at me. She and I used to talk often.

I haven’t said anything to him about how I feel. Should I worry about this? Should I ask him to be careful around her? — ALLERGIC TO WHAT SHE’S SERVING

DEAR ALLERGIC: Mention to your husband that you have noticed a change in the server’s reaction to you, if you wish — but I don’t think you have anything to be worried about. She probably does have a crush on Vic, and the reason she can’t look at you may be she feels guilty for flirting with him, or your presence is a reminder that he is unavailable, which spoils her fantasy.

DEAR ABBY: I’m the mother of three sons. Over the years, I would sometimes play rough and wrestle with them, all in good fun. Now that they’re almost all grown and out of the house, I find myself getting carried away with this type of play with my spouse. He was on the wrestling team in school, so invariably I always lose. But he knows how to play without hurting me.

Is there something wrong with me for wanting to play so rough at times? He seems to enjoy it, but there have been times when I’ve walked away bruised if I let him go too far. Otherwise, I’m an ordinary female who you’d never guess would love to wrestle. How many other women out there do this? — FEELING WEIRD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FEELING WEIRD: I don’t have the figures, but some women like to wrestle as a form of foreplay. However, because it is leaving you with bruises, you and your spouse may be carrying the wrestling a bit too far. If it’s not foreplay, but some form of competition, perhaps you should consider taking up another sport with him where you’ll have a chance of winning sometimes rather than always being the loser.

DEAR ABBY: How does one politely but firmly turn down door-to-door salespeople? How should I respond to salespeople who become rude once I tell them I’m not interested? Many of them become hostile once they realize I can’t be persuaded to buy what they’re selling. — NO THANK YOU IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR NO THANK YOU: If this is happening regularly, the first thing to do is post a sign next to your door that says “No Soliciting.” When someone you don’t know knocks or rings your bell, don’t answer it. If you somehow get trapped into hearing the sales pitch, when the person pauses for breath say firmly, “Not interested,” and close your door. Remember, the person is not trying to make a friend of you; the person WANTS something. You do not have to tolerate rudeness.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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