No fare

So, a guy gets a taxi ride to his destination and suddenly, he doesn’t have any dough to pay the fare. So the cabbie drives the dude to the police station where – what do you know? – the passenger discovers he has a little cash after all. Must have been hiding in one of those secret pockets. I don’t know why I find this funny. Maybe it’s because every time I hear something involving a cab driver, I picture Louie De Palma giving grief to Judd Hirsch and, let’s be honest. Those are some funny looking people.

Space truckin’

So, the latest NASA rover has almost reached Mars. It totally would have been there by now if it didn’t have to stop twice along the way to pee. We told the rover to go before it left home, but do they ever listen?

Olympics

I keep forgetting that it’s under way. Maybe it’s because the Olympic Committee bans any use of the term “olympics” (like they didn’t steal it from the Greeks) by groups not associated with the actual games. Redneck Olympics? Can’t use it. The Ravelympics for crafters? Don’t even think about it. It’s gotten so you don’t dare to so much as think about the word for fear that mean lawyers will slap you with an injunction. Why, I probably have a subpoena in the mail just for writing these few sentences. Totally worth it.

Fresh squoze

I know there were probably fiscal reasons for moving Dunkin’ Donuts out of Shaw’s in Lewiston, but for me, it’s been a disaster. Twice now I’ve fallen asleep in the produce section and awoke to old women squeezing me for freshness. That was kind of nice. But other than that, the move has been hell.

Mwah, mwah, mwaaaaah

I’m very happy for the young couple who got engaged at the Auburn Community Band Concert, but you can’t help but wonder what it would’ve been like if the lass had said no. I mean, if you’re in the horn section, you almost have to deliver the sad trombone. Yakety Sax, on the other hand, is for the honeymoon.

Yakety Sax

That’s the Benny Hill theme, you young whippersnappers.

What do you mean . . .

You have no idea who Benny Hill is? Dang, I’m old.

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