Such a card

Could I be more excited? I really don’t think so. I mean, it’s big news. Life-changing news. Since Shaw’s in Lewiston is under new ownership, we no longer need to produce those blasted orange cards that always hide way down deep inside your wallet so you can’t get the sale prices. No more sad frowns from the clerks when you tell them you have a card, you just can’t find the thing. It’s over, man. Our long nightmare is over. Plus, the deli people have wicked funny uniforms now, so that’s a lot of fun, too.

Thank you

To whomever sent the email with “cute baby” in the subject line and “congratulations on graduating.” I don’t recall either of those things, but if it’s in an email, it has to be true. Yay, me.

I am nothing if not candid

So, I was walking through the alley behind the Lewiston Public Library the other day (never you mind why) when I noticed the city security camera mounted way up there on the bricks. I totally forgot about those cameras. At this time, I’d like to offer my sincerest apologies to the city of Lewiston with the promise that it won’t happen again. Probably.

Route 4 turning lane

Thank God for this development. If you happen to be on a motorcycle, turning left from Route 4 onto Lake Shore Drive gets a little hairy. Are you going to get slammed from the front or from behind? All that just to get to Lake Auburn in order to not touch the water. 

Seriously

I don’t care if you’re on fire, you are not to touch the sacred water of Lake Auburn. You don’t even want to look at it too long or they’ll fine your butt. I’m probably in trouble for saying this much about it.

LePage will run again

Seems like there ought to be a hilarious comment to be made here, but dang if I can come up with it. Can I get back to you on this? I appreciate your patience in this matter.

My Samsung Galaxy III

What’s that? You’ve been wondering whether or not I use a screen protector? Why, no. No, I do not. After careful deliberation, I’ve decided to go commando. Thank you for asking.

Funny things that happen at Walmart

For the first time in my life – seriously, why has this taken so long? – I witnessed one person helping another person with the extrication of what the kids call a ‘wedgie.’ I guess I can scratch that one off the bucket list. After I’m done using the bucket to vomit, that is.

Please send items for “Funny Things that Happen at Walmart” to me at mlaflamme@sunjournal.com

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