They’re golden. They’re spongy. They’re smaller than you probably remember, but every bite remains a delicious cake-and-cream wonder.

Twinkies.

They’re baaaack!

After a nearly 8-month absence — interrupted only by Twinkie scalpers who seduced the most sugar-deprived among us into paying a couple of hundred bucks per precious box —  stores started restocking the Hostess snack cakes last week. Some sold out within hours.

The new Twinkies are smaller — think hot dog thin — but the cake-to-cream ratio is perfect. And they’re just as golden good as they were before. I know this because, as Shopping Siren, I had to try one, or, um, three, immediately. You know, for work. As research. For this column. They’re calorie-free that way.

But (gasp) what if you aren’t a Twinkie fan?

I’ve got your back, too. And your snack cake.

* Mini cheesecake, Grant’s Bakery, 80 cents

Little round cheesecakes in plain or chocolate, topped with a bit of frosting or whipped cream and a tiny, edible decoration. There’s only enough for a bite or two, but Bag Lady and another intrepid SJ journalist (hard job, this tasting) gave them two thumbs up for flavor.  

Just make sure to refrigerate or eat right away. Not every snack cake has the lifespan of a Twinkie. (Now 45 days. For real.)

* Peanut butter slice, Grant’s Bakery, $2.25

Slice of a chocolate and peanut butter Swiss roll covered in chocolate frosting. (Also available in mocha and plain chocolate flavors.) I hate to admit it, but I’ve never been much of a fan of Swiss rolls. Before this.

New motto: Everything is better with frosting.

* Raspberry or strawberry puff, Grant’s Bakery, $2.10

Flaky pastry top and bottom with jam and whoopie pie filling in the middle. The Twinkie’s more happenin’ cousin.

* Fruit tart, Hannaford, $5.99

Found in the grocery store’s bakery department, this palm-sized tart is topped with sugar-glazed strawberries, blueberries and raspberries. With all that fruit, it’s practically a health food.

* Snowball, Labadie’s Bakery, $1.25

Very similar to another Hostess favorite, Sno Balls, what with its mound of chocolate cake covered in marshmallow-like frosting and topped with coconut flakes. But this one’s about twice the size of the old Hostess version (which hasn’t returned to shelves yet). Proof that snowballs are better to eat than to throw.

* Whoopie pie, Labadie’s Bakery, $1.25

The Maine snack cake. Or main snack cake, if you’re at the Siren house.

* Fig square, Italian Bakery, 90 cents

Fig filling surrounded by a flaky pastry crust. More pie or cookie than cake, yes, but completely and deliciously snackable. Hey, who am I to judge? All desserts are good.    

Best find: Twinkies, Shaw’s, about $4 per box

The original, if slightly tweaked, snack cake. For fond childhood memories, a nosh before dinner and the tiniest sugar rush. Welcome back, Twinkies. 

Think twice: About buying from a Twinkie scalper anymore.

Something tells me the market for 8-month-old Twinkies is about to plummet.

Shopping Siren’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who prefer their Twinkies extra, extra large) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at shoppingsiren@sunjournal.com.