Freeze!

Two men were promptly arrested last week after swimming across the Androscoggin River in an attempt to elude police. A few years ago, I suggested that anyone who makes it from one side of the river to the other should be given a free pass based on personal grit alone. Unfortunately, this rule only applies between the months of November and mid-April. I’ve seen it happen, friends. A decade ago, I watched a graceful fellow breast stroke his way across as chunks of ice were still floating along the river. Me, I still haven’t ventured crotch high into the ocean yet because it’s so coooold.

Spider catches bee in Auburn garden

Reporter wets self in fright after viewing photo. It’s like SJ photographer Russ Dillingham is inside my head taking pictures of my nightmares.

Coming soon to a dystopia near you

Israel invades Gaza after Hamas rejects truce. Fingers pointed in all directions after Malaysia Airlines jet goes down. Trouble on the southern border and hourly ugliness in the Ukraine. Are you starting to feel like we’re all starring in an explosive action movie that is only just beginning? I call the role of brooding loner with a haunted past! Although frankly, I’d rather sit this one out.

I saw it on Pine Street

One late afternoon early in the week: a cat sprawled comfortably in the middle of the new bike lane that stretches up the length of Pine Street. Since nobody dares to ride, walk or skip in that lane, the cat was perfectly safe. Smart kitty.

Cowan Mill remembered

Five years ago, angry flames brought the old mill down as thousands of people watched from both sides of the city. Most people remember the heat of the flames, the crackle of fire or the burning embers that threatened to burn downtown Lewiston to the ground. Me? I best remember giving reporter Scott Thistle a ride to the fire scene on the back of my motorcycle. That was the first time, and also the last, that I ever rode double with another boy on my bike. That’s just not cool after the age of 9.

Delicious, nutritious Spam!

A lot of valid mail has been ending up in my spam folder lately, so if you’ve written and I’ve failed to respond, chances are I haven’t seen your note. Of course, there’s also the possibility that I’m ignoring you because I’m a horrible person.

I always feel like somebody’s watching me

If you have experiences, good or bad, with surveillance cameras or tracking technology, by golly, I’d like to hear about them. Did you track down your phone, dog or kid with some fancy new app? Get caught on camera peeing in your neighbor’s yard (it happens)? Get busted by the Turnpike Authority for blowing through a toll booth? Forced to swallow a tracking chip and then chased through the desert (it happens) by some shadowy government group? Lose and then find your car in a crowded parking lot with the help of the friendly people at OnStar? Write me with your tales of success and paranoia at mlaflamme@sunjournal.com

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