So, they can forecast these things now?

So apparently I was the only person in all of New England who didn’t know that storms were going to pound the region on Wedensday. Went off to an interview on my motorcycle and by the time we were through, it was raining in a Biblical way. I got so drenched riding back, parts of me I didn’t even know existed are still drying out. If I’d been wearing a tie, I probably would have drowned. Now, I’ll bet you think there is no point to all of this – that this riding-in-the rain story has no bearing on current events. Good eye, sport. That’s exactly how it is.

Rocket man

It’s like the rocket stove I just totally made from scratch, using only a few empty cans and a pair of tin snips. If I were to get to bragging about how awesome my rocket stove is, and how easy it is to get a little fire burning inside it, you’d think I was just rambling on about some personal achievement just for the self-indulgence of it. And again you’re right. Wow, you’re very good at this game.

Author, author

Congratulations to Ashley Forshaw, an obvious show-off who published her first book at 17. She’s a young thing, but it appears that she already understands several key points: that selling books is extremely hard, that first drafts are usually crap, and that grammar matters. It took me twice as many years to understand those things, but other than that, Ashley and I have a lot in common, including the “Footloose” poster on the wall. Ashley’s book can be found here: tinyurl.com/ohey5fu. My books can be found here: tinyurl.com/l38ekqe. What, did you think I wasn’t going to include that?

Time is a sneaky, hateful thing

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but by the time this column appears again next Sunday, it will be August. August! There’s obviously been some kind of mistake because I’m pretty sure it was June just a few days ago. Anybody who tries to tell you that summer hours are the same length as winter hours is a filthy, stinking liar.

Beat the rush

I’m not even going to go on my perennial rant this year about the premature back-to-school displays, or the Halloween decorations going up in August, or the talk of Christmas while it’s still 90 degrees outside. This year, I’ll be damn happy if the world is still intact by the time the holidays come.

Sorry I keep bumming you out

Lots of doom and gloom around here lately. My apologies. Here’s a funny hand puppet to cheer you up. You can’t see the hand puppet in the newspaper, but trust me, it’s really, really funny. You see what I did with my thumb?

Happy birthday, punk

Fire scene in downtown Lewiston. I go wheeling up on my motorcycle and park at the curb. A little shirtless boy, maybe seven years old, comes flying and over and looks the bike over. “Is this my birthday present?” he asks all earnest and big-eyed. Now I gotta go out and buy a new motorcycle.

Copy the Story Link