Get your deer yet?

Sorry. Just practicing.

How long do we have . . .

Until some killjoy exclaims, with the enthusiasm of a crow finding dead meat: “Hey! The leaves on that tree are starting to change colors!” Those people . . . I say we stuff corn down their pants and use them as Halloween decorations.

My eyes!!

So, a certain wife made me go to Wallingford’s Fruit House in Auburn last weekend to pick up some of their delicious doughnuts. That’s all well and good, but Wallingford’s already has pumpkins out on display – seeing pumpkins before summer is done is like seeing your mom naked. It just ain’t right.

Oh, no!

Shaw’s in Lewiston has pumpkins on display, too! I don’t think I’m going to make it to October. For the love of God, put some clothes on!

Stuffies

Did you know that this is what they call stuffed animals now? I had no idea. Know what they called stuffed animals back in my day? They called them stuffed animals.

Northern lights

I really want to check those out, but I never know in which direction to look.

Iggy Azalea denies making sex tape

Sometimes I like to toss these headlines around just to give the appearance that I’m in the loop. In truth, I have no stinking clue who Iggy Azalea is or whether it’s a he or a she. I would have assumed that Iggy Azalea was some kind of flower that may or may not have made a sex tape.

Short answer? Never.

If one more person asks when I’m going to put my motorcycle up for the winter, I’m going to go all stuffie on his or her very lower back region.

The Loraxian Response

I hope the people responsible for the new Riverside Trail in Lewiston realize that as soon as construction season ends, I’m going to sneak down there and peel up the pavement, plant new trees and jump up and down a lot to bring back the hills and valleys. Then I’m going to lean against a tree, whistling, and pretend I know nothing about it.

Seeing red

The other day, I screamed profanity of such raw power upon hitting the red light at Bates and Pine in Lewiston, I think I actually blew out a gland. Worth it! (P.S.: If you see my gland rolling around on Pine Street, I’d sure like to have it back. Reward not likely.)

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