DEAR ABBY: My problem concerns my children and others who may have to deal with my finances or estate should I become ill or die.

I constantly get requests from credit card companies and other businesses, like utilities, urging me to “go paperless.” ”Save a tree … save a forest!” While I’m sympathetic, I worry that if I were to get sick and no paper bills arrive in my mailbox, my children wouldn’t know they need to be paid. (They have my durable power of attorney.) If everything arrives online, they’ll have no access to that information. Bills and late fees will accumulate, and no one will be the wiser.

This is why I resist. I pay many of my bills online, but I also receive paper documents. I know many companies and credit card issuers are unsympathetic about reducing or eliminating late fees, regardless of the situation. I don’t trust them to waive these fees — even if I’m desperately ill or dead. I don’t know how to “go paperless” and keep my children informed at the same time. Abby, your column could create a national dialogue on this problem. Thank you. — DEBORAH IN ST. CLOUD, MINN.

DEAR DEBORAH: Before you go paperless, make a list of all of your accounts and usernames and passwords. There is software that allows people to upload their account information into so-called “digital vaults” for storage. Alternatively, the information could be written down and placed with your health care and financial powers of attorney.

To make certain that everything goes smoothly should you become incapacitated, or in the event of your death, give a list of your current digital information to someone you trust, let people know who has that information, and leave instructions on how you want things handled.

DEAR ABBY: Last spring, my husband and I found out we’re pregnant with our first child. We were thrilled, of course, but out of caution we decided not to tell anyone outside our immediate families for a few weeks.

I am a teacher at a large school and I decided to confide in my teaching assistant so she would understand if I seemed tired or I wasn’t feeling well. She was excited. Within five minutes of my telling her, she had literally shouted the news to several other staff members. I asked her to please stop and, in particular, not to tell the students. The next day there was a large banner hanging over my classroom door that read: BUN IN THE OVEN! I was mortified and furious.

She thinks miscarriages won’t happen if you think positive and that I’m just being negative. She is otherwise an excellent assistant. How do I deal with her refusal to remain quiet? — ASSISTED BY A BLABBERMOUTH

DEAR ASSISTED: Now that you know you cannot share anything in confidence with your T.A., make a mental note not to make that mistake again. There’s a saying, “Once two people know a secret, it is no longer a secret.” All she had to do was tell one other person and the cat was out of the bag. Because she’s an excellent teaching assistant, “deal” with her by telling her only what you would want broadcast over the public address system.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order “How to Be Popular.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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