Marcy’s Diner
People have been asking me all week where I stand on this breakfast brouhaha. I thought I was on the side of the restaurant owner. Then I read this lady’s screeching Facebook post in which she speaks of a 2-year-old like a dog in need of a kick. This is the kind of woman you expect to find in a hair-pulling fight in the discount aisle on Black Friday, not serving up food for the masses. She can keep on cooking eggs and pancakes, but man, I ain’t eating them. If I’m hankering for that kind of scene, I’ll have breakfast at the Jerry Springer household.
Which reminds me
I haven’t been to Uncle Moe’s for breakfast in many moons. I know they’re probably missing me over there. My Spring Fling will be loaded with tears, but it will still be delicious.
Hanover Neighbors Clash Over Glacial Boulder
This is really turning out to be a rock-ous affair.
Pardon me
I just got back from vacation. It’ll take me a while to get back up to my normal level of sophisticated wit and . . . you know, stuff.
Cheater’s website hacked
I’m just getting caught up on this news. When did it happen? How much do the hackers know? How much, I ask you? Dammit, man, I need information and I need it now!
Just kidding
I have nothing to worry about. The only thing I cheat at is Uno and even then I always use a fake name.
Fair to Showcase Steer Scooting
Sadly, this doesn’t actually involve bovine animals on mopeds. I was really looking forward to that. What is steer scooting, you ask? Don’t know. Days after we ran a photo to promote the event, I’ve been unable to get a straight answer. It’s bigger than all of us. If you happen to know what steer scooting entails, please let me know. You can find me on the cheater’s website under HotStud4U.
Crime rate drops 24 percent in Lewiston
I spend so much time downtown, I actually saw it drop. It landed with a DOINK on Walnut Street, where it was instantly seized by a shirtless guy on a bicycle who immediately hauled it to a pawn shop on Lisbon Street to see what he could get.
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