DEAR ABBY: I’m 39 and have been married for nine years. Three

years into our marriage I got sick and lost a lot of weight. I now

turn heads everywhere I go. All except the head I want to turn — my

husband’s.

He drives a truck and all he does is talk to and sext larger,

unattractive older women. He has gone to counseling and 12-step

meetings, and I’ve told him to get out numerous times. Nothing has

helped.

I’m now getting to the point that I feel I can work again. Is it

wrong for me to be making an exit plan for when my son from a

previous marriage turns 18? — TURNS THE WRONG HEADS

DEAR TURNS: If I told you it was wrong, would you stop doing it

and remain in an unhappy marriage? I doubt it. If your husband is

attracted to other women and acting on it, you should absolutely

prepare yourself for the day you declare your independence. It’s far

more sensible than being unprepared.

******

DEAR ABBY: My brother got married a year ago after dating for

less than a year. His wife started calling my parents Mom and Dad

from the get-go. I didn’t realize how much it would bother me, but

it does and, frankly, I resent her for it.

I’m very close to my parents, and I view our bond as sacred. To

me, Mom and Dad aren’t names you use lightly, to be cute or as a

term of endearment. The relationship is earned and unique.

I would never think of calling my husband’s parents Mom and Dad,

and I don’t feel that I’m offending them by not doing so. Is there a

proper way to discuss this with my brother and sister-in-law without

hurting feelings or creating tension? — ANNOYED SISTER-IN-LAW

DEAR ANNOYED: Calm down and curb the attitude, because if you

say anything you will appear to be jealous and petty. What your

sister-in-law is doing is very common. Regardless of what she calls

your parents, you are still their daughter and she is not. If they

didn’t like her calling them Mom and Dad, I’m sure they would let

her know they preferred she choose something else.

******

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with a really great guy

for five years. He is wonderful to my son and treats him as his own.

The problem is, I don’t think I am capable of truly being in

love with anyone. I care deeply about him — as much as I am capable

of loving. My question is, would it be unfair to him if I agree to

marry him knowing he loves me more than I love him? — TO MARRY OR

NOT TO MARRY

DEAR T.M. OR N.T.M.: I’m not sure many couples love each other

equally. More often one loves the other more. If you think you can

be a good wife to this man, then marry him. Obviously, you have a

high degree of compatibility, or he wouldn’t be considering marriage

to you.

******

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne

Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact

Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA

90069.