Deflategate

It’s back! A federal court ruled earlier in the week something, something pertaining to Tom Brady’s beleaguered ball, bringing the matter back into the spotlight a year-and-a-half after the squishy pigskin became an object of worldwide contention. This new development is awesome because, let’s face it: I don’t think the matter got nearly enough public attention the first time around. Can we get another Facebook meme over here?

Snow day

You know what they say about the weather in Maine. They say, “WHAT THE #@#!#$ is this @#$%$%!? We got %$@#!@ SNOW? I WAS GOING TO RIDE MY $%#@$ MOTORCYCLE TODAY! %$#$$@#@!”

Swear words

When using keyboard symbols to denote profanity like that, do you prefer more ##, @@ or !! to get the job done? I always find it confusing work.

Calling all cars

I got a phone message the other day that Google Translate presented as “Dodge Jeep I was returning your phone call.” That makes no sense at all. Either I have cars calling me direct from the dealership or there’s a new cop in town with the most awesome name ever. “I’m Officer Dodge Jeep and your ride is over, pal. You’re going downtown.” *Note to editors: Please place “Law & Order” CHUNG CHUNG sound here.

Mother’s Day

It’s coming right up, little mister. Don’t forget it this time or your Ma will go all Norma Bates on your ungrateful butt.

They’re all going to laugh at you!

Runners up for the above “Bad Mom” spot include Joan Crawford, Pamela Voorhees, Margaret White, Eleanor Iselin, Lorraine Baines McFly and Nancy Botwin. If you spent more time watching TV, you’d know who these mothers are.

Creed

You ever notice how the only time I mention movies is when I really hated them? Well, I really hated “Creed,” a movie so terrible, even Stallone and the sentiment of the Rocky saga couldn’t save it. An unmoving back story, questionable motivations and a cardboard cutout star make for one arm-swinging flop. If you want to watch a boxing flick, watch “The Fighter.” In fact, I’m going to be watching this one again Friday night. With your mom.

Copy the Story Link