Can I get one of those bumper stickers?

I got a Google alert the other day notifying me that my name had appeared on the St. Dominic Academy honor roll. Needless to say, this was great news. I feel as though I really applied myself this year.

School’s out. Now, get back to school

This week, kids were sprung from most area schools. School’s out, baby! Crank the Alice Cooper! Meanwhile, one of our reporters received an email announcing a back-to-school special on backpacks. A back-to-school special! On backpacks! In June! Needless to say, I’ve ordered a boycott of the company in question along with a pitchfork-and-torch march on their headquarters. I mean, it’s such an egregious and ill-timed use of back-to-school terminology, they might as well just go to each child’s house and announce that their puppies have died.

Be quiet back there!

Some wit suggested that, since I was sent to cover the nostalgic nature of the drive-in theater recently, why didn’t I go and do it old school? You know, case of beer and bags of nacho chips in the back seat and a buddy in the trunk. It was a delightful idea, but when I popped open my trunk to prepare, I discovered that my old friend Rusty was still in there from that showing of “Porky’s” in 1981. The beer was still good though.

You have to be this tall

So, the carnival has come and gone, stealing out of Auburn in the middle of night in that mysterious way carnival folk have. For the record: It didn’t pour every day that they were here. And I wasn’t sent down to the carnival a single time for a report of a fight, an injury, a raucous dispute over a Ninja Turtle toy or a chubby kid with a body part stuck in one thing or another. For me, that’s a first on both counts. No rain and no kid duking it out with an old lady over a My Little Pony doll. How much more proof do you need that the world is completely upside down right now?

Things are jumping in Lewiston

Some alert and possibly deranged reader wrote me over the weekend to report seeing a “kangaroos crossing” sign in Lewiston. I hopped right over there and sure enough, there it was on Main Street, a sign hanging on a pole and warning of marsupials for the next 30 miles. I tell you, if we get just one report of a kangaroo in downtown Lewiston, it will totally make up for the lack of carnival action.

Word to the wise

A few people wrote this week to remark on my use of the word “sagacious” in the Wednesday column. Great word, “sagacious.” It describes a person of great wisdom, yet it sounds like a condition one might get if he sits in a hot bathtub for too long. “Man, I have a date in just an hour and now I’m all sagacious.”

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