Kreepy Kreme

Krispy Kreme is coming to Auburn. I had a creepy experience at a Krispy Kreme once. I was down at Myrtle Beach with the missus and stopped at one of their stores for a cup of coffee and some doughnuts or something. The young man who served up the goods somehow knew my name. He knew my wife’s name, the name of the hotel we were staying at, and he slipped them into the conversation all sly like. Come to find out, the Krispy Kreme worker was actually a kid who had drowned many years previous in the pool at that very hotel! OK, I made that last part up, but the rest of it is true enough. Am I saying that all Krispy Kreme stores are haunted? Yes. Yes, I am. It’s krazy.

Deja donuts

Have I told that story before? Feels like I’ve told that story before.

Bathing suit horror

In Lewiston, somebody called police to report – brace yourselves for the shock of it – a woman walking down the street in a bathing suit. Can you imagine it? In the caller’s defense, it was probably one of those scary assault-style bathing suits.

Pantless at a dollar store

That’s not just the title of my upcoming autobiography, it’s something that happened in Lewiston. A local woman reports that while she was there shopping with her daughter, a man walked into the store sans pantaloons. You’d think a store that sells pregnancy tests for a buck would draw a classier crowd.

‘Sans pantaloons’

Also a fantastic title for an autobiography.

Great white!

Apparently Maine’s beaches are just filthy with sharks this summer. For years I’ve been telling people that great whites are everywhere, mostly as a means of explaining why I won’t go out into the ocean above the ankles. But did they believe me? Noooo. They just laughed and pointed and made fun of my water wings, nose plugs and inflatable ducky ring. Well, who’s laughing now, scoffers? Oh, right. Still you.

When beef fights back

Seriously, a cow went nuts, judo chopped a few people and then took on a squad of police sharpshooters next to a warehouse full of explosive canisters, all while I slept the morning away, comfortable in the knowledge that all the cool news happens at night. Now I have to get into the habit of setting an alarm clock so I can be ready when the chickens riot.

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