Worth a thousand words

In the aftermath of the Fourth of July celebrations this year, I saw more photos and videos of cars being hauled away by tow trucks than I did of the fireworks themselves. This is progress! Even the mundane act of car-towing is more interesting than long videos featuring fireworks I saw for myself just hours before.

Take a shot

The dubious art of amateur fireworks photography, by the way, does not yet have a name. This is your chance to achieve immortality! In the greater Lewiston-Auburn area, anyway.

Tales from the impound lot

Footage of tow drivers clumsily hauling away a pickup truck in Lewiston generated a predictable clash of opinions around the region. Half of those who responded say, “Why are they towing cars left and right after inviting people downtown to watch the fireworks?” The other half insists, “If you park where you ain’t supposed to, you’re going to get towed.” Who’s right? Who’s wrong? I guess it depends on which side of the hook you happen to be on. If you’ve had a car towed, you know what a soul-battering horror it is to get your ride back.

Mandela strikes again

After I scribbled a column about the phenomenon last week, several people wrote in to report being freaked out by the Mandela Effect. For me, a whopping case of it hit on Monday when I read that South African Olympian Oscar Pistorius had been sentenced for murder. Are you kidding me? I would swear that this already happened two years ago. I would further swear that I recall public outrage when Pistorius was released after serving half his sentence. In the dimension in which I live, this guy has already served out his sentence. In this newer, crappier dimension, it’s just getting started. Mandela!

Staggered

On Friday, I saw the worst case of drunken staggering ever in downtown Lewiston. I mean, this guy couldn’t take two full steps without veering wildly to one side or the other. A block away, another man was staggering in the opposite direction. A physics question: If two staggering men meet each other head-on along a sidewalk, do they appear to be walking straight?

What’s in a name?

A nice lady reports that while she was eating KFC in the Park ‘n Ride next to the turnpike in Lewiston, she spotted a couple getting busy in an SUV a couple parking spaces over. Park ‘n Ride. Why do you people have to take everything so literally?

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